When Allergies Make You: Afraid of Food
From the Allergic Living archives; this popular article was first published in the magazine in 2007.
If a serious allergic reaction has left you too frightened to eat even ‘safe’ foods, there is help and you are not alone.
IT WASN’T until Sandra Schwartz was on a camping trip in Northern Ontario in August 2005 that she felt the full force of the fear. Just a couple of days earlier, the 36-year-old Ottawa resident had been lying in an emergency room, experiencing her second-ever reaction to shellfish after eating a plate of shrimp.
Unlike the minor reaction she’d had a year before, when she turned red and her face swelled, this one was full-blown anaphylaxis: Schwartz’s entire body turned crimson red and covered in hives, her heart raced as she grew lightheaded and dizzy, and her face swelled beyond recognition. But the food didn’t just set off a dramatic physical response, it also triggered a psychological tidal wave.
“They always talk about that feeling of impending doom, and I had it times 10,” says Schwartz. “The doctors were saying I was OK, but I said, ‘I feel like I’m going to die. Please don’t let me die.’ ”
Though she had yet to realize it, that was the night Schwartz’s fear of food began. The next day, thinking she was well enough to travel, Schwartz left on a planned camping trip with her boyfriend.
As they drove along the increasingly remote highways, the “what ifs” began to creep like tendrils into her psyche: What if I react again? What if medical help can’t get to me on time?
And, because Schwartz had been diagnosed with a shellfish allergy a year earlier, but didn’t understand that she was supposed to avoid it altogether, she had continued to eat shellfish. In fact, only a month before, she had eaten a plate of shrimp without incident.
As a result, she didn’t fully believe that it could have triggered such a massive reaction. That raised another terrifying question: If it wasn’t the shrimp, what was it? Maybe it was fruit. Or wheat. Or something else. Suddenly, every food was suspect, and Schwartz became terrified to eat.
A couple of days later, her panic peaked. “We were in the middle of nowhere, I was chewing a piece of gum, and I started not being able to breathe.” Schwartz thought it was another reaction, so her boyfriend drove full tilt to the next town. Once in the hospital parking lot, Schwartz realized it wasn’t a reaction that she had experienced. It was a major panic attack.
“I just sat crying in the car. That’s when we realized that there’s a real psychological element to this.”
The couple cut the trip short. Still, Schwartz only felt safe eating cereal and pasta. She saw an allergist and got retested (once again, shellfish was the allergen), and tentatively added a few more foods to her diet, but the fear persisted.
By the time she got married three months after that camping trip, Schwartz joked to friends that allergies were the best pre-wedding weight loss plan around. Feeling like every bite was potentially lethal, she had lost over 20 pounds. “Every time I ate, it was like taking a plunge out of an airplane,” she says. “And I wasn’t sure if the parachute was going to open or not.”