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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 9:42 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
I was wondering if anyone had an idea for how I can explain allergens without hurting someones feelings? We have been invited out many times by casual friends, they seem to understand we don't feel comfortable going to restaurants. (allergies plus a little monster in his terrible twos!!)
Anyway, they now really would like our entire family to come to their home. They have done renovations and really want us to all come over. Here's my problem, forget food allergens, my huge issue is dust/animal dander. They own and ride their horses every day, the horses are boarded elsewhere but their dog (inside dog) goes with them to the stables every day. I've been over ages ago and although their house is clean it is a small house and riding blankets are folded in a corner etc..

How do I explain that although they can't see the dander it is on EVERYTHING in their house. It is like telling someone they are dirty, I don't want to offend them but there is no way our son could breathe in their house. Going is not an option, explaining why is the issue. How do you say I appreciate you saying you will shower and wipe down your home but you and your home will still be by our standards totally contaminated. On the flip side, how do we they say don't stop by our home either as coats, clothing etc. not only has dog dander but horse dander etc.. Our dog is 15 (and old age has hit him hard recently) and has slowly bothered our son more and more. We are going to have to put him down in the next couple weeks. Our allergist thinks our dog hasn't bothered our son more as he's grown up with him, where our neighbor's dogs very much affect our son.

HELP!!!

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:58 am 
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Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 4:27 pm
Posts: 300
Location: Montreal
BC, I understand your situation. How do you usually spend time with your friends then? I agree that going to their house would be way too dangerous and I also get that it puts your son at risk to have them bring dander in via their clothing. Is it that usually your son is not around when you see them? Are there any restaurants that YOU feel comfortable in? Because then maybe you could suggest that as it would be a neutral ground...?


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 12:40 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
Other good friends don't have pets and they seem to understand - or at least they follow my rules in my home (don't bring food etc.). We do go to other people's homes and have friends over to ours.
These particular people are more a causal aquaintance, the type you see here and there and every time it is mentioned you should get together. We have met them in restaurants before but our son was younger and was quiet, now he will be two (tomorrow :D ) and is wild as our daughter calls him. So forget allergies, I don't think I could get him to sit still in a restaurant (meaning he will try to grab and touch everything - yikes - on top of disrupting other peoples meals).
So for now I don't want to sound like a bitch and say you can't come here and we won't come to your house. This couple really want to have our kids over or meet us with the kids which is very nice and that is why I am trying to be careful in how I explain this to them ...again.. I guess I'll just have to find a day when the little man is very happy and meet them at some restaurant.

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:08 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 4:27 pm
Posts: 300
Location: Montreal
Hmmm ok I understand. Well I've worked at a daycare for 4 summers and I know what that age group is like...wild no, curious and exploring YES! Haha! I personally don't like doing this but maybe since it won't happen often because they are only acquaintances...maybe you can bribe him? Just a little something. It doesn't even have to be to give him a physical object but maybe take him somewhere special or do an activity he enjoys but you don't get to do often unless you make the time? I completely get it because I know how these guys work!
Good luck and sorry if I haven't been much help!


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:23 pm 
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Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6455
Location: Ottawa
I'm all for honesty. You either tell them now or tell them later. Practice the pat them-poke them-pat them technique

"We would love to get together but --- doesn't do well in an atmosphere of pet or pet dander. I'm afraid of him reacting to your dog or horse blankets, he reacts to such small amounts! Why don't we meet at the museum/park/bowling alley/sports centre etc?"

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 12:03 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:45 pm
Posts: 796
Location: Vancouver, BC
Yikes - tough situation, but I like Susan's answer. Getting together hopefully doesn't mean it has to be about food every time, right? : )

_________________
DD 2004 Allergy to peanuts, egg, sesame, and new: lentils and chick peas
DS 2006 Allergy to peanuts, tree nuts, milk, egg, kiwi fruit, eczema


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