You are viewing Allergic Living Canada | Switch to United States

Talking Allergies

* FAQ    * Search
* Login   * Register
It is currently Wed Oct 22, 2014 6:24 pm

All times are UTC - 4 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 53 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Ignorant People
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 12:16 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:29 pm
Posts: 76
Location: Markham, Ontario
I suppose I just need to vent, but ignorant comments by ignorant people are starting to grate on my nerves. I understand that people who have never dealt with a food allergy (especially anaphylaxis) don't really "get" how bad it can be, but still... you'd think with the media coverage it's been getting in the last few years that they'd have some clue!

Today a co-worker, overhearing someone else ask how my daughter was doing, said: "Well at least it's just almonds and cashews. I'd die if I couldn't eat peanut butter." Ummm, well my daughter could die if she ate cashews, you dim wit!!

And before DD outgrew her cow's milk allergy, people would give me all sorts of comments about trying Lactaid, how you can't be allergic to milk, about building a "tolerance" by drinking more of it, etc., etc.

Thanks for letting me vent :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 9:14 am 
Offline

Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 9:47 am
Posts: 305
Location: Montreal, Canada
People are idiots. It's frustrating to live among such stupid people but everyday you have to deal with nitwits.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 9:02 pm 
Offline
Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6474
Location: Ottawa
I was at an office party a while ago and had made a point of warning everyone about dd's allergies. As I held her (she was looking over my shoulder) a co-worker came up behind me and offered her some carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. :shock:
Because I never really trust this person (THAT is for another forum site), I kept an eye on her. I whipped around and told her that dd could die if she ate the cake. She said "It's only a bit of frosting." "Cream ...cheese... " I said, "which one does not contain dairy?"
Some days I feel I need to educate people about allergies, other days I just want to ignore them. :roll:
When it comes to people who wil play a role in keeping my daughter safe, I am the former. When it is someone who will not have much impact on her heath, I let my energy level dictate.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:42 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 8:06 pm
Posts: 8
Location: Toronto
What happens if the ignorant people are family members? I have had trouble with my in-laws since my son was diagnosed with his allergies. I understand it is difficult o accomodate food allergies but all I kept hearing was, he's not allergic, he'll grow out of it (from their mouths to God's ear), just give him little tastes and he'll be fine. It got to the point were I had to restrict visits to their house. That did not sit well at all.

Unfortunately for my son, he had a severe reaction at their home (someone visiting broke open the cashew nuts). That was a year ago and every so often I still the same comments. Not sure what it would take for them to "get it"


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:09 pm 
Offline
Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6474
Location: Ottawa
Dh's parents were way behind in the learning curve regarding dd's allergies. At least they recognised that she had food allergies!
Still, they would serve cheese to the kids- Hello?! Dairy allergy! They'd insist on butter at the table for corn on the cob. They'd serve pizza... Unknowingly they were putting her in a situation were she is forced to sit on the sidelines while everyone else enjoyed themselves. My daughter will not be a second class citizen! Not at school and certainly not a home surrounded by people who love her! :twisted:
Dh spoke to his parents, in part I think, because he knew I would if he didn't.
Now we expect them to prepare foods that dd can eat. We still bring a back up meal. We do all Christmas baking. Double bonus- safe foods and tick one present off the list.
We bring margarine, jam, bread etc and insist that it be the ony product of it's type on the table. We constantly reinforce methods to avoid crosscontamination and share information on allergy awareness with them as casually as we might discuss the weather or the new street sign down the road. In my mind it is just as inportant and relevant to our lives actualy more so.
I find now that they are actually relieved, relaxed and more receptive.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:32 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 6:53 pm
Posts: 1454
Location: Canada
darkver wrote:
What happens if the ignorant people are family members? I have had trouble with my in-laws since my son was diagnosed with his allergies. Not sure what it would take for them to "get it"


I can't say that I've successfully dealt with all of my family members yet, but the few who don't get live far away and I only visit about twice a year. They do understand the severity of my allergies, but they don't get the cross contamination issue. I'm wondering whether it might work to explain to relatives that we aren't quite on the same page on the allergy issue and would like to have a discussion about a pamphlet on allergies. There is something about the written word that people seem to believe more, especially if it comes from an official-sounding organization. When I joined Anaphylaxis Canada a few years ago, I got a pamphlet that explained basically what anaphylaxis is, etc. As well, at one point they sent a small piece of paper about the essential questions to ask when eating out. There quite a number of questions, and the list demonstrates how careful people have to be when preparing food for an allergic guest or customer. I might try this approach with my relatives the next time I visit. They think that I'm blowing things out of proportion and that they don't have to really be that careful. But if it doesn't come from me, maybe they would think differently.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: in laws
PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 11:44 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
My inlaws are terrible. There is absolutely NO regard for my childrens safety. Last christmas I had my husband ask them to come to our house so I could do all the cooking and baking. "But I always have Christmas" was the reply. I suggested that I do all the baking to bring to their house and not have allergic baking out. "But we always have peanut brittle... it's tradition." "Your kids need to learn to live in a world where the food around them isn't always safe. You cannot keep them from it forever." They were 3 and 1 at the time.

Needless to say, we have never attended any holiday at their house since the girls were diagnosed. They won't come to our house because it is tradition that they host.
We spend holidays with close friends whose kids also have the same allergies that my kids have.

I don't even want my mother in law to come to the house anymore! She makes a big deal about having to wash her hands when she arrives. I told her that she could not kiss the children anymore because it was causing them to have allergic reactions...but she still does it and they still get hives. "It"s only hives. I'm not going to stop kissing MY granddaughters because of a few hives!"

To make matters worse, my husband has a few food allergies and had numerous food allergies as a child. Accidents were how he learned as a child. He nearly died NUMEROUS times as a child. She feels that is the best way to teach a child about allergies, to temp them with foods and deal with the consequences. Personally, I'm focusing on avoidance.

So as it stands my daughters never see their grandmother. She is not allowed in my house. She feels that she is experienced in dealing with an allergic child and I am over reacting and paranoid.
:shock:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 10:20 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 6:53 pm
Posts: 1454
Location: Canada
That sounds like a really bad situation. It's sad that your daughter won't get to know her grandmother---obviously your mother in law needs to respect your house rules even if she doesn't get the seriousness of the allergy situation. A lot of people put up with quite a lot in order to maintain some semblance of family harmony....Washing one's hands, etc. is a small inconvenience in the grand scheme of things!

I wonder whether being exposed to an allergen through contact--even if it just causes hives---could make reactions through ingestion worse.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:35 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:35 pm
Posts: 64
Omg, what a horrible example of a grandparent. If you can't count on the people who love you the most to keep you safe, then who can you count on? And your poor husband, sounds like he's lucky to be alive!!

The principle at the school where my non-allergic daughter currently attends, and my peanut/nut allergic daughter will attend next year, has displayed a certain non-chalance about allergies that has me worried. He said "Well we know that we have time before we would have to use the epipen." This was in reference to the playground monitors being trained to recognize signs of a reaction and administering the pen. He suggested that the child wear their pen and then the monitor, if they noticed an allergic reaction would then have loads of time to go and get someone who WAS trained to administer the pen. NOT.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: hives
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:45 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
I have also wondered if skin contact reactions could increase the chance of a very serious reaction later on. That is pretty much why she does not come over any more. I have two daughters, both with allergies.

I refuse to let their grandmothers inability to take my precautions seriously put them in harms way. It is unfortunate, but she literally will not budge on the kissing thing. She feels that showing affection to her granddaughters when she sees them is more important than the fact that they get an allergic reaction from it.

I have suggested washing hands and giving hugs but she will not budge. She insists on the big, wet, full of allergens kiss on the face followed by the face wash and benadryll.

Keep in mind that she was the mother to my husband, a child with numerous allergies. It is a miracle that he is alive. He has so many "I almost died when..." stories that no one really recalls the number of times that he was given a needle of epinephrine. It is that many.

My husband (still severly allergic to tree nuts) and I started dating when he was 18. I was horrified to see that for the first christmas we spent together he recieved toffifee (hazelnut chocolates) in his stocking from his MOM. When I asked him about it he shrugged it off and said "I just give them to my brothers."

This happened year after year. Finally I asked her "you do realize that he is allergic to these, right?" She said "I always buy these because they are everyones favorite, I never realized that for as long as anyone can remember he has never eaten his."
The next year she made a special effort to get him nut free chocolates. "Here these are nut free" she says, as she hands him a box of sea shell treasures (ground hazelnuts) I told her that those were full of nuts. She admitted that she never read the ingredients, but she has had them before and they were not crunchy, so she assumed no nuts.

This is what I am dealing with here.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 6:51 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 12:17 pm
Posts: 253
Location: Niagara region, Ontario
Saskmommy,

I cannot believe what you and your husband have to put up with. I feel so sorry for you having to deal with your uncaring mother-in-law. Her lack of caring and refusal to understand just blow my mind. You are very smart to have made the rules you have regarding not visiting her home. I guess I am very lucky as my relatives tend to be very good; in fact I think my mother-in-law is one of the best, she'll save labels for me etc. Do you think it would do any good to give her some literature from the allergy associations or would she be too stubborn to accept fact? Wishing you all the best,

Soccermom

PS I was born in Saskatchewan and have many fond memories of summers spent on my grandparents' farm.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: mother in law
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 10:32 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
Honestly, she feels that she is an expert on allergies already and that I am paranoid and a control freak. She feels she also an expert on the medical side of it because she is a nurse. Yes, she is a nurse.

What part of sask was the farm on? My grandparents farmed around grondlid, ridgedale in the melfort area.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:08 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 6:53 pm
Posts: 1454
Location: Canada
i hate nuts,
Aside from the issue that anaphylactic reactions are traumatic, does that principal even realize that in quite a number of cases that the epipen does not work? Even if the epi is administered right away and we are promptly sent to the hospital we can still die. I can find a reliable source on this if you need to bring this up.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:55 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 12:17 pm
Posts: 253
Location: Niagara region, Ontario
Saskmommy, I cannot believe your mother-in-law is a nurse!?!? Has she been retired for a long time or something? Even the general public today has an idea about the seriousness of allergies due to media information. There are articles in our local newspaper a couple of times per year and I have seen segments done on the tv news as well. She must have a big mental block.

(The farm is near Lestock, and Punnichy, southeast of Saskatoon. I havn't been back in years.)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: mother in law
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 11:47 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
She is actually not retired. When my husband was a child he was allergic to nuts, peanuts, eggs, milk, fish, shellfish, tomatos and others. He also has asthma, and inhaled allergens such as all animals, all plants, dust etc. Quite a stressful situation I imagine. Foods were not labeled well! Only recently, because I told her, did she realize that margarine contained milk. Food labeling was not common and the way she learned as a parent was trial and error. (thank you to everyone who has worked to better food labeling)

She turned to god. I don't mean to start a religious debate here, they only divide people. However, she developed a "god has a plan for him" attitude. She believed that god would take care of him and protect him ( if that was gods plan ). If for some reason he died because of his allergies... then that was gods plan.

She thinks that I need to trust in god here and that whatever happens I cannot control it. Trying to educate her, is literally trying to change her religious beliefs.

I've developed the attitude that my children are the most important. Anyone who is not willing to act in their best interest is not going to be in their lives. My children are wonderful, beautiful children that she is missing out on. Hopefully my daughters will learn to not allow people who do not respect them to be in their lives. Maybe there is a good lesson to be learned by our situatuion.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 53 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

All times are UTC - 4 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group