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 Post subject: Was I wrong?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:38 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 192
Location: Ohio
My daughter went out with a group of friends to get her prom dress. They then went out to eat. She was with 2 youth leaders and two other girls. At the resturant my daughter told the waiter that she was allergic to milk. While she was telling the waiter the other girls where flirting and crackig jokes so he thought she was joking and as he was telling them what they ordered to make sure it was right he loked at daugther and said Extra milk for you right and laughed.

When they got their food my daughter picked up her sandwich and started itching. She had eaten some fries off the plate but stopped halfway through. She set it down and close to tears said I can't eat this its got butter all over it. She got up and went to the bathroom and called me crying from her cell phone after she had taken allergie pills.

I asked her if she needed 911 and she said no i didn't ingest it. I asked her where they where and what her waiters name was. After making sure she was ok and I telling to wash her face making sure she had an epi pen I called the resturant.

I asked for the waiter by name. I asked him if was waiting on a young lady who was allergic to milk. He said yes... I said I am her mother. He started apologizing and I said you do realize you could have killed her! Please more be careful when people talk about thier allergies. She was having a wonderful time until she called me cryig because you where teasing her all through the meal about beign allergic to milk. Be more considerate and don't do that again please. He said he would and that they where correcting my daugthers food.

After she got home the youth leader called me and asked me to call the resturant and thank them for being so nice. I nearly lost it but I said I would call talk to the manager and tell them that my daughter was ok. (I was not going to thank them now apologize).

My daughter then told me that the youth leader told her she would have to get used to being teased about her allergy. I don't think the youth leader new that the waiter though daughter was joking. I don't know but that really hit me wrong. I am not sure if I can or want to say something to this youth leader any suggestions?

_________________
Karen in Ohio mom of 7
Allergic to tons and tons of food as well as perfumes, scented air sprays and cleaners. Hubby to Fish, ds #2 Shellfish, youngest to Eggplant, potato, Caesin, Raw Tomato & spinach.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:55 am 
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Joined: Fri Dec 22, 2006 12:52 am
Posts: 214
Thank goodness she had her pills with her! All the stories I read about teens who die from allergy, it's always because they didn't have their stuff with them. I would have a talk with your daughter and tell her how proud of her you are for having handled it so well. Then I would call the restaurant, calmly ask to speak with that waiter's boss and tell him that you appreciate the waiter's apology, but serving her the food after she told him about the allergy is VERY dangerous and he needs to review food preparation and cross-contamination issues with all of his staff. Tell him you are very involved in a group that works for food allergy safety and that you are always looking for restaurants to recommend which handle food safely and understand the risks :) And you always do spread the word about the ones that don't. Make him understand your power not just as a parent or a person with allergies, but as a customer with money :)

_________________
Asthma and eczema
Drug allergy (succinylcholine)
Food (corn, raw apples, green beans, tree nuts, flax)
Misc (pollen, grass, mold, dogs, cats)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:02 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
I am so sorry that your daughter had to go through this but I'm glad she is OK now.

Allergic Living did an article where teens talked about dealing with their allergies, here is the link:
http://www.allergicliving.com/features.asp?copy_id=65

Several things happened in your daughters situation:

1. In an atmosphere of high spirits, while everyone else was joking around, she attempted to speak about a serious issue and the staff mistook this for more joking.

2. The waiter gave false information and/or knowingly contaminated her serving.

3. Your daughter either misinterpretted his comment when he served her order or she didn't want to draw attention to herself.

4. She left the group and went to the wshroom alone to call you. What if you weren't available ei, not home, cellphone batteries dead?

5. The youth leaders did not fully graps the seriousness of the situation.

6. The youth leaders are not sensative to her condition.

I would write a letter to the youth leader and their superior advising them of this near fatal situation. I would offer to teach them on the serious nature of severe food allergies. I would insist thatthe youth leader appologise for the comments about getting used to being teased etc. Would this be said to any other group of people with a medical condition?

I would send a letter to the restaurant advising them of the situation and request that they take actions to avoid such situations in the future.

I would speak to my daughter (if I was you) and tell her softly that she must never leave the group and go off alone if she is at risk. If she must go off, bring a trusted friend. She needs to develop a core group of friends whom she can teach how to use the Epi-Pen for these types of situations. She will in time learn to be straight forward about exactly how serious this is and read social cues about how this might look (talking serious while your friends are joking) and how much is getting through to the waitstaff. She will get to the point where she can comfortably question authority.

These are all part of maturing andit doesn't come easily.

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 4:20 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 6:53 pm
Posts: 1454
Location: Canada
I'd be *very* disappointed with that youth leader!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 4:24 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 192
Location: Ohio
i am but i don't know how to deal with it.

_________________
Karen in Ohio mom of 7
Allergic to tons and tons of food as well as perfumes, scented air sprays and cleaners. Hubby to Fish, ds #2 Shellfish, youngest to Eggplant, potato, Caesin, Raw Tomato & spinach.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 9:31 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 01, 2006 11:21 pm
Posts: 78
Location: Connecticut, USA
I would tell her about food allergies and that your daughter could have died. I would show her articles of people who did die. I would tell her you are absolutely NOT going to thank people who nearly killed your daughter and that itisn't her place to butt in!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 10:06 pm 
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Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
Quote:
My daughter then told me that the youth leader told her she would have to get used to being teased about her allergy. I don't think the youth leader new that the waiter though daughter was joking. I don't know but that really hit me wrong. I am not sure if I can or want to say something to this youth leader any suggestions?


I can understand feling so emotional that it's hard to deal with this right now.

I would suggest that you send a note to the youth leaders superior (you can take your time and write what you want to say). You might want to simply say that your daughter had a severe reaction and that not only wasn't the medical emergency noticed, but she was ridiculed by the youth leader.

What is the role of the youth leader? This is not the sort of leadership one might expect.

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 11:57 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 192
Location: Ohio
This particular youth leader is the mother of the youth pastor and the wife of one of the Pastors. We do not attend this church only my daughter to the youth events. In the past they have been wonderful about having daughter friendly foods at events. I think that they just don't totally understand all the thought has to be behind every meal that daughter puts into her mouth :roll: .

_________________
Karen in Ohio mom of 7
Allergic to tons and tons of food as well as perfumes, scented air sprays and cleaners. Hubby to Fish, ds #2 Shellfish, youngest to Eggplant, potato, Caesin, Raw Tomato & spinach.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 6:36 am 
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Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
This is a tough one and I see how unpleasant it may be to deal with as she is a person of high authority (or related to such a person).

Can you see this as a learning opportunity? Your daughter is going to be involved with this group for sometime still and it is important that she know that she can trust them to accept her (at the very least) and assist her during a medical emergency (at the very worst).

To ridicule a person for something which they have no control over is not the pattern of behaviour that any church I know wants to condone. Indeed what are they trying to teach through youth ministry? (OK-I digress...I am a bit of a hot head)

Could you speak to the youth pastor about the entire restaurant scene and, while mentioning his mothers comments, focused on dangers of eating out; how to recognise a reaction; how to respond and what life is like for your daughter?

Perhaps your daughter (or you if that is too difficult) could give a presentation to the entire youth group (with the woman in attendance) teaching them about food allergies. I'm sure you can somehow tie this in to what the youth ministry is all about.

Sometimes the worst experiences can become the best teachable moments. If some good can be gained from an unpleasant experience, then it had a meaning.

I hope you can find a way to support your daughter through this. If you let it lay, that does send a message to your daughter as well about future incidents. I don't mean to lay a guilt trip on you but only show you how inactions can speak louder than actions. Perhaps you can find the strength in your emotional tool box to deal with this before the ennui sets in.

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 11:22 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2007 11:56 am
Posts: 120
Location: UK
I thought the other posts gave some good points.
can I add the idea of getting a card for your daugher which explains every thing.
She could ask the waiter to hand it to the chef.


It wouldnt matter how much the teens were giggling, the printed word would be taken more seriously.

I am going to make one for our son, as a last resturant experience was difficult. the MUSIC was soooo loud , that I practically had to shout!!!


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