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 Post subject: The Good Enough Parent
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:54 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6501
Location: Ottawa
Quote:
Our job as parents is to protect our children, but our goal is to raise a responsible adult. When a child has a serious health issue, it's natural that we hold on a little tighter and often for a little longer. When the stakes are very high, as they are with life threatening food allergies and asthma, we do not have the luxury of allowing our children to "learn a lesson" with the wrong food or missing medication. Yet, if we continue to assume the majority of responsibility for our children's medical condition as they grow up, they will stay dependent on us and ultimately come to resent us. Worse yet, they can become angry and rebellious in their teen years, a particularly vulnerable time for those with food allergies....

http://www.healthcentral.com/allergy/c/ ... protecting

This is an interesting article. I could see myself both as over protective (when she was younger) and as a "good enough" parent (a little more so every year).

I think as our children mature and their needs change, we need to adapt our parenting style to keep pace with them.

What do you think?

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Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 5:08 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:22 pm
Posts: 79
Location: Houston, TX
I loved this article. I have been very proud of the way I have treated dd's allergies as just a matter of fact. She, in turn, usually just deals with it and doesn't get too upset when she can't have something. She already has learned a lot about taking care of herself and focuses on enjoying the things that she CAN have. I know it can be hard on her, but I've been very careful in not letting her "disability" disable her. :-/ To be honest though, I am REALLY proud of her. She is a trooper about all of this, her asthma, too. She is very sensitive, and frail, but she definitely gets back in the game when the danger is over. She's taught me a lot. :-D

We all have strengths and weakness and things we can and can't do. I hate that just because hers is a food allergy that it is so easy to act like her life should just suck, lol.

I think that if we "spin" this right, they may grow up to be stronger for it! :-)

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Daughter, 10 - NKA

Daughter, 3 - peanut, tree nuts, crustacean, dust mites, cottonseed oil, sunflower oil, mangoes, mustard, and very mild outdoor allergies, eczema, asthma

Son, 2 - asthma, mild eczema, peanut, mild soy, mild egg


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 9:21 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
Great find! Thanks Susan.

For us, our attitudes toward allergens are evolving. When we were over an hour from medical care we asked everyone else to not bring her allergens but at a party in the city we just brought her own food and I told her what she could or could not eat. In those situations I think she prefers just eating the food from home since she knows it is safe. When her nut allergies were diagnosed we were extremely protective but are relaxing a bit. Big difference that she was diagnosed at 12.

If she's invited to a birthday party and won't be able to eat the pizza or cake, ask her how she'd like to handle it.

This is a great idea. Usually I take the lead but next time I will let her do it completely. Thought I was doing it a bit when I said "What food do you want?" :oops: She does all of the talking in restaurants now which is really good for her.

When we are together I usually carry her epi-pen to give her a break but sometimes wonder if that is a mistake as she has then forgotten it when I wasn't with her... We are doing 'tough love' right now to get her ready for school by making her remember to bring the epi --- don't mind if it goes in my purse but she has to walk out the door with it. Result --- three epis in my purse :lol:

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me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 9:33 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
Parenting a child with food allergies also requires a balancing act sometimes with my other child. The majority of prep for our vacation related to managing the allergies. But then when she saw that my searching about a pizza place was to see if we could eat there after riding the go-karts she was happy.

I think the allergies are making me into a better parent for both of my children. And I think my child without allergies is stronger for it too. We recently bought a product and saw nothing on the label about nuts. Thankfully before we opened it my child without FA saw a wee little line on the side where the package folds that said "May cause reactions for those with nut or dust allergies"!!! :shock:

The parenting also changes as the kids get older especially regarding the FA --- when younger she was thrilled to have me parade into her class with homemade cupcakes whereas now if I make them I bring them to the class before hours. (I'm a decent baker but no longer cool to have mom at school. hmmm better taste a cupcake next time!)

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me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 5:31 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 11:29 pm
Posts: 31
Location: British Columbia
walooet wrote:

I think the allergies are making me into a better parent for both of my children. And I think my child without allergies is stronger for it too. We recently bought a product and saw nothing on the label about nuts. Thankfully before we opened it my child without FA saw a wee little line on the side where the package folds that said "May cause reactions for those with nut or dust allergies"!!! :shock:


Okay, I have to ask. What product isn't safe for nut or dust allergies? The dust part is throwing me. I am baffled. Is it an edible product?!

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Me- No allergies. No eczema. No asthma.
Husband- No allergies. No eczema. No asthma.
DD- Allergic to peanuts and pecans (avoiding all tree nuts)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 8:13 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
It was a Flax kernel that was shelled. I emailed to find out why they say it could cause a reaction for nuts and dust.

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me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:10 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
The company responded back already! The rep said that the warning for nuts is because some people allergic to nuts are also allergic to flax seed so they recommended talking with a doctor first. The dust part is because while their shelled seed is 99.9% pure the 0.1% dust could be a problem for someone with a severe dust allergy.

I was impressed by their prompt response and by their company's cautionary labelling once I understood it. I did say the caution would do a lot better if it were close to the ingredients.

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me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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