Talking Allergies

I have a bit of a problem. My 15 month old who has multiple food allergies (milk, wheat, egg, soy, oat, and peanut) is just starting to want what is on everyone else's plate. Up until now I have been able to say "no this is Mama's food or your brother's food and this is Sammy's food" and he has accepted it. As a family we haven't restricted our diets with the exception of peanuts/peanut butter and tree nuts. His 3 year old brother has no known food allergies and I feel it is important for a growing boy to still have wheat, egg, and milk in his diet. We just do LOTS of handwashing, sweeping, etc

Well... last night we were eating pizza- we do this about once a week- and poor Sam threw an absolute fit that I wouldn't give him a bite of my pizza. He just kept gesturing to my plate and when I said no, starting throwing his own food on the floor in a tantrum.

He eventually settled down but I felt just awful.

What do I do? I can't even make him a "look a like" pizza given his milk, soy and wheat allergy. I have tried other 'look alike' meals just as using rice pasta when we eat pasta, I have bought the Enjoy Life cookies if he see's his brother having a treat, etc. But his allergies are so extensive that we can't make an exact alternative to every family meal.

I figure this is only going to get harder until he is old enough that we can talk to him about his allergies.

Any thoughts? I just don't think banning milk and wheat foods in our house is realistic given my 3 year old..... but I don't want Sam to feel left out.

Thanks!

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2.5 year old: allergic to wheat, dairy, egg, peanut, oat, turkey, and cats
5 year old: no known allergies
Husband no known allergies
Me allergy to morphine only

15 months is just too young to understand.
If you can't make a look-a-like food, could you make his all time favorite food and play it up stating the rest of you will have to settle for pizza?
If you can find a wheat-free crust or recipe, could you use this "mozzarella"?
http://www.galaxyfoods.com/ourbrands/usa/rice.asp

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

You can make just about anything without wheat and oats. Perhaps do an internet search on gluten free pizza crusts? celiac.com is a good place to look for recipes.

And I think the specialty food shop website has info. on gluten free flours. http://www.sickkids.on.ca/specialtyfoodshop/

There are lots of gluten free flours out there. If your son can have rice flour, potato starch, tapioca starch, arrowroot starch, he can have pizza. Xanthan gum/guar gum is generally used in gluten free cooking to give the flour a better texture. (I personally don't have a recipe, however. I've reacted to most of the gluten free flours I've tried . .. and I react to xanthan gum. I do my best with tapioca and rice flour.)

Our youngest (18mos) pitched a fit the other day because he wanted what we were eating. At this developmental stage, every month does make a difference in level of understanding, and wow that temper can fluctuate too!! I've used the same kind of strategies - this will make you sick, this is mommy's food. If he throws his food (sometimes that is just for kicks), I take his plate and ask calmly (or what I perceive to be calm!) if he would like _______ and ask about a few favorites.

I haven't found that I've needed to do "mock" foods for him. He does have favorites though and if he eats a pile of frozen blueberries for dinner, so be it. Usually he'll get to eating the rest of his food. New foods tend to be good "replacements" for my son as they have the novelty appeal. Often my older son ends up wanting the same thing that my youngest agrees to - I think that helps, then they are eating the same thing.

Not an easy situation though, and everyone's circumstances are so different. I think that like all kids, boundaries are tested. As parents, we struggle with guilt, frustration and desperately wanting our kids to eat everything that we do. I've found with my 3 year old that, whatever the situation, he learns to respect the boundaries when I'm clear within myself how I feel about the situation. I also don't take the temper as personally because I'm more confident.

Take a deep breath, know that the one thing we can count on is change!

K-rae said

Definately use your words. It's never too early to teach safety just as you would if he was too close to a hot stove.

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

My daughter has quite a few food allergies as well... To be honest, what we have had to do is just act like we have the same food allergies. THis means that we do not have anything that has raw milk, egg, peanuts and/ or tree nuts, sulphites, food colourings... When we go out, we all avoid the same foods so that she learns that "Mommy and Daddy have the same allergy". It can be hard not to eat what the other kids are having at parties, etc. but it makes it easier when your family has to avoid it as well. I take this approach since this is exactly what my daughter's pediatrician does with his child. I am terrified to have any of her allergenic foods around since we know someone who almost died when his brother touched a lightswitch before washing his hands.

i'm in the process of just finishing up writing my cookbook. i'd love to help you. i am a celiac and casein free (that, too, is what my book is). if you have certain recipes that you would like to convert to safe, or are looking for certain things, i can help you. i adapt all of mine (because of other allergies in others) to soy-free also.

It sounds like many families handle this one differently. We do have some of my son's allergens in the house. We follow a simple rule and it seems to work out fine. My oldest who only has a peanut allergy is not allowed to eat any foods that look "fun". What this really means is he can have yogurt but not yogurt that is packaged to look fun, no animals on the container, nothing that would make our youngest feel that he is missing out by having his soy yogurt in a plain container. The rest of the allergens we just avoid in our meals and adapt the recipe. We all know that our kids are going to expereince many times having to go without while they watch others have things they can't. We work really hard to make sure that it doesn't happen in our house. Good luck figuring out what will work for you.
Stephanie

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myself -Shell Fish, asthma, environmental allergies
Husband - Environmental allergies
7 year old- peanut, environmental
5 year old- eggs, nuts, fish, peas, environmental, and asthma.

Thanks for everyone's words of encouragement

Right now it really does just depend on his mood. Normally he is fine having what is put in front of him. When his brother gets a cookie, Sam is happy as long as he gets a cookie (enjoy life safe brand of course).

Stephanie- how does your older child feel about not having food packaged in 'fun' containers? i am also obsessed with not wanting my 3 years to 'take on' Sammy's allergies while at the same making sure he is helping out and being respectful.

Laurie, I find it hardest to find recipes for bread, cake, chocolate chip cookies, and icing. Of course these aren't things I feed him right now but know that is on the horizon.

Somedays I think we are in denial given we basically have all of his allergens all over the house (of course no peanuts/butter but stuff 'processed with'). Of course we are very careful and I just can't see how to radically restrict my older child's diet, preschoolers are so hard to feed as it is. Like everyone says, it really is just day by day.

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2.5 year old: allergic to wheat, dairy, egg, peanut, oat, turkey, and cats
5 year old: no known allergies
Husband no known allergies
Me allergy to morphine only

My five year old began was about your son's age when my youngest really started to present with his food allergies. It truly has never been an issue for him not having the "fun" packaging for foods. I will send these things in his snack bag at school, or if he is out alone with us we let him get a treat. He has grown up with this rule and I never deviate from it and so my kids just know that this is the way it is. My oldest does have peanut allergy so he understands how it feels to be left out of food treats sometimes. I remember feeling so overwhelmed when I first started trying to figure all of this out and it certainly seems much more managable now.
Good luck
Stephanie

Our little one is 14 months old and is starting to express an interest in others' foods. Our 6 year old who has no allergies (knock on wood) loves all things dairy.
The baby had his first contact reaction last night after his sister inadvertently touched him with milk on her fingers. She is usually extremely cautious, and we were quick to reassure her that as parents we are responsible to ensure that hands are washed.

I can't envision not having dairy in the house at all, but am developing a plan to reduce it significantly. I'm planning a gradual replacement of dairy containing items so as to make the transition less dramatic to the 6 year old. I don't want her to feel deprived and resentful of her little brother as a result - we need to have her on side to be vigilant of his safety. Since I'm lactose intolerant, I won't miss it!!! I've started by rearranging the fridge to put the offending items up high and at the back so little fingers won't get them too easily. The bakery manager at our local grocery store is (in response to my request - it pays to ask!!!) going to make milk free bread as the first batch of the day on clean equipment, which we will all eat just to make it easier. Other changes will come gradually as recipies and products are dropped and/or replaced with dairy free versions.

The contact reaction has sealed a decision on plans for daycare though ... he won't be going! We'll find a way for one of us to stay home, or both of us to work part time. Time to get creative!

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7 year old - no known allergies
1 year old - cow's milk allergy, asthma

I've been thinking about this alot lately too. My son is 21 months and is very aware now when he doesn't eat what the rest of the family eats. I made safe pizza for him last weekend and plan to make more dough to store in the freezer for those all too frequent nights we order pizza. I try to keep most of our meals safe for him (thank goodness for my allergen free cookbook) and make an alternate food when it's not. I also explain to him that it's not safe for him. I know that message will sink in because his older brothers understand quite well. I think at these young ages it is hard for them to understand most of what we're doing even without putting these added constraints on them.

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Jan, mom to 3 boys
DS#3 - eggs, cats, dust, eczema, avoiding nuts as a precaution
DS#2 - seasonal allergies
DS#1 - no allergies
Me & DH - seasonal allergies

We are "lucky" that birth order has made dealing with food sharing easier. Our oldest has the allergies and at an early point after diagnosis we just decided that as a family we would all eat her diet. At first, we tried cooking 2 different meals or variations of a single meal but one busy night we accidently gave her the wrong plate. Luckily she only had a mild reaction. At first it was hard but now it is quite easy. We eat at lot of fruit and veggies and we have no problem with meat (just not processed stuff). We have found easy recipes for pasta dishes. We substitute soy in baked items with no noticeable taste difference. Our youngest drinks soy but now that he is at daycare for some lunches he eats milk dishes there. Next year when he goes to school I will send cheese and yogurt on his lunch. Sometimes he has yogurt at home and I made a point of finding soy yogurt for my daughter so that she had the same option. Occasionally my husband and I crave pizza so we order in after the kids are in bed. But I do make a cheese free pizza that we all enjoy often also.

We decided to make the diet change not only for safety reasons (fear of cross contamination) but also out of concern for her self esteem and self image. There are so many sides to life threatening food allergies. We want her to feel included in our family meals because we know that there are so many times she will be left out or feel different at social functions involving food. It takes more effort sometimes but it gets easier once you figure out a variety of meals and substitutions. The bonus is that we don't have to cook 2 different meals at one sitting.

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11 year old daughter -- lives with life-threatening allergies to milk, eggs and peanuts; seasonal allergies (birch, maple, ragweed); pet allergies; asthma; and eczema
9 year old son - no allergies