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 Post subject: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 9:02 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
I was looking at baby pictures with dd the other day and came across some of her at the time just before she was diagnosised with food allergies.
She had exzema but everyone told me that she had a rash from teething and well, she was teething at the time... It's interesting how her exzema cleared up completely as soon as I stopped breastfeeding. I am now convinced that she was reacting to the dairy protein and/or egg protein in the breastmilk.
Then I saw a series of pictures from the first time we introduced dairy in the form of yoghurt. We thought it was cute how she made a funny face and spit it out. Now when I look at the pictures I can see the distress in her face! :( As she didn't actually have a reaction but had a severe reaction the next time.
Rationally, I know that I did not intentionally cause her allergies and she would have come in contact sooner or later. :roll:
Parental guilt, it's not rational but it's there lurking in the shadows. One moment your sharing a happy trip down memory lane and the next you feel like an awful person.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:03 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 936
Location: Oakville, Ontario
I share those same feelings, Susan, from time to time. My son has multiple food allergies (peanut/sesame seed/egg/fish, etc), and I often wonder what might have happened if I hadn't fed him egg yok at 8 months of age, fish at 10 months of age, sesame and multi-grain breads at 12 months of age... I never did feed him peanut butter; however, he still has a peanut allergy - can't figure that one out. I wish we'd fed him differently as an infant, and it's difficult to not feel somewhat responsible and guilty for his condition. :( I wish I knew then what I know now - I honestly had never heard of a sesame seed allergy, and never anticipated egg and fish being a problem either...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 9:13 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 9:47 am
Posts: 305
Location: Montreal, Canada
So basically you don't feed the kid any food that can be an allergy problem until what age?

For milk, you sort of don't have a choice though.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 9:56 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 1643
Location: Toronto
As soon as we give birth we develop a new disease. It's called MOTHER GUILT. There is no cure - and it is life-long. If we weren't feeling guilty about allergies - we'd find something else to feel guilty about.

My oldest was born with a congenital deformity in his legs. My father had something similar. Therefore - it was MY FAULT.

Second child was constantly seeing an ENT for problems. I've lost count of how many surgeries he's had. Read that ultra-sound can cause these problems. I must have had to many ultra-sounds when I was pregnant. Therefore - it was MY FAULT.

Third guy developed allergies to insect bites/stings. I have food allergies. The connection is obvious. Therefore - it was MY FAULT.

I think we all need to revolt. Throw this guilt away - not on to anyone else - just out with the rest of the trash. :lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 9:07 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
When dd was small, I had a fear that some one would abduct her. The abducting woud have been bad enough. My biggest fear was that they would feed her milk. :?
If they abducted her, we might get her back. If they gave her milk she would likely most have died.
Now that she's old enough to know not to eat anything of question and boy, does she question! I only have to worry about abductions. :roll:


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 Post subject: Mother's Guilt
PostPosted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 12:15 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 8:33 pm
Posts: 96
Location: Ontario, Canada
All moms develop a severe case of "Mother's Guilt" shortly after giving birth I think. My oldest DS is allergic to nuts and I still feel really guilty that I ate so much peanut butter while pregnant with him (it was the only thing to stop morning sickness for me).

At the time (6 years ago) I was never told about the potential dangers of eating pb while pregnant so mentally I understand that it isn't my fault really but I still can't shake the guilt. Does anyone know if there's a cure for "Mother's Guilt"? ;) Of course if it wasn't the nut allergy I'm sure I'd feel guilty about something else to do with my kids.

_________________
SAHM of 3 children. Oldest DS (1999) is anaphylactic to peanuts.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 1:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2005 12:57 pm
Posts: 1
Hello! I just found this board. I'm a SAHM to a 2 yr old dd who has peanut allergies.

I can totally relate to "Mommy Guilt". I gave dd peanut butter at 2 yrs old- the age I read in all the magazines that said not to try before. She had an immediate reaction and scared the you-know-what out of me! Hives and swelling. I ran to the hospital. Luckily, that was as bad as it got.

After she was born, I started hearing about kids whose Moms ate peanuts while they were pregnant being at risk for the allergy. I look back now and see that I ate a lot of peanut butter while I was pregnant and breastfeeding. I followed the What To Expect book that said peanuts were a good source of protein. I had trouble conceivng and staying pregnant so I was already trying to do everything right! I suffer the "what if's". I want to kick myself! Dh says he doesn't think one thing has to do with the other but I can't help myself.

Does it get any better?

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CaperChris


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 Post subject: NOT YOUR FAULT!
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 6:03 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
I was pretty surprised to read these posts, and how many of you are feeling guilty.

My husband has allergies, therefore I was extremely careful. I thought that this would prevent them. I followed all the rules, no peanut butter until 3, no egg until one, etc. and my kids still have allergies. I also know people who gave their 8 month old kids shrimp and peanut butter with no problems.

Sometimes, allergies just happen. The idea that all could have been prevented is very wrong. It also gives parents of kids without allergies (who may have been informed about how to decrease the risks) ideas that their delaying of allergens was successful, and that I somehow caused the allergies in my kids. I didn't! You didn't! Sometimes its what we get dealt when our kids are conceived.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:26 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 936
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Saskmommy, You are absolutely right! Feeling guilty is really pointless and should certainly not dominate our thoughts. I'm sure that none of us could have prevented our child's allergies... I guess we just have fleeting thoughts that somehow, we, as parents, could have and should have prevented this. It really makes no sense, and it is unfair to blame ourselves. Let's give ourselves a break, and not spend time feeling guilty over this. We did our best, with the knowledge we had at the time.


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 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:49 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 6:39 pm
Posts: 2950
Location: Toronto
Re-raising since it's a great topic.

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin


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 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 2:06 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:06 pm
Posts: 217
Location: Terrebonne, Quebec
It's amazing how true this is... Our allergist told us that there is no real link between what I eat/ate and the prevalence of allergies. I still have the guilt though, because my favorite breakfast while I was pregnant was eggs and bacon, and I loved PB sandwiches with a big glass of milk.. and of course, any desert had to have a big glass of milk with it, because I LOVE milk. I was worried with oiur second (and still will be until she is eating things on her own and safely). Every time she gets a bit of dry skin, i'm worried it's the begining of eczema that's a sign of allergies because i'm breastfeeding and I simply can't cut out milk from my diet altogether (though now it's limited to milk in my cereal) and I almost never touch eggs now, just in case.. Peanut butter is a rare treat for me, but I worry every time I eat it. I keep my fingers crossed at least that if they both have allergies, they are allergic to the same things!

_________________
Daughter 3.5 years) - Dairy, Eggs, Peanuts, Sesame, Beef; asthma and eczema
Daughter (2 years) - Peanuts Eczema
Son (7 months) - Contact allergy to something food undetermined


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 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 8:33 pm
Posts: 96
Location: Ontario, Canada
Wow! This is an old thread! I read what I posted back in 2005 and things have definitely changed. I honestly don't focus on feeling guilty about my DS1's peanut allergy anymore. I used the information that I was given at the time and did what I thought was best for my child. No need to focus on the negative. Now I focus on letting my DS1 have a normal childhood ... and still be safe.
Now my DS1 is 10 1/2 yrs old and he is an amazing kid. We don't let his peanut allergy dictate what he can or cannot do. He is just finishing up his 3rd and final year in Cubs and has gone on almost all of the camps (around 6/year). He orders for himself at restaurants and it's up to him if he wants to try a food that is 'iffy' (his epipens are always on him). Usually he passes b/c as he told me when he was only 6 yrs old "that cookie isn't worth me dying". You got it!
DH and I try to enable DS1 to live with his allergy but not limit him in terms of life experiences. Living with a food allergy means lots of planning and educating (as we all know) but it can be done. My DS1 is going on a 1 week Scout camp near Algonquin Park this summer ... and I'm ok with that. :)

Living with anaphylaxis is a huge learning curve for the parents as well as the child. Letting go of the guilt is one of the first steps. :)

_________________
SAHM of 3 children. Oldest DS (1999) is anaphylactic to peanuts.


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 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 11:05 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2009 7:43 pm
Posts: 75
I think my fiance's mom harbours some month guilt. She talks about how she would eat so much peanut butter while pregnant with him.
Also she thinks that her job caused some of his problems as well. Apparently in the late 80s a lot of children born from moms who worked
at this place had a LOT of medical problems. Including lots of allergies. My mom on the other hand has no guilt smoking during pregnancy as
she has a convient thing to blame my breathing problems on. I was born in Sudbury!

_________________
Moi: Pineapples, Turkey and Asthma.
Fiance: Ana. to Dairy, Eggs, Peanuts/Nuts and Horse. Also has asthma.


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 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 12:36 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 6:39 pm
Posts: 2950
Location: Toronto
Smoking definitely not good for allergies.

Though my mom can remember that while pregnant with me, "you'd kick so hard you could knock the ashtray off my stomach".
She didn't take the hint. :roll:

_________________
Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin


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 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2010 1:05 am 
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Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2005 8:55 pm
Posts: 412
Location: Vancouver, BC
That is so funny...I remember as a little girl driving around with my friend's dad, who had a beer bottle between his legs and my mom and her friend and him all smoking in the front seat, while me and my friend bounced around the back seat with no seatbelts. We all used to reek of smoke, and it was no big deal for adults to drink WHILE they drove. Times have sure changed.


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