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PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 2:07 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 6:39 pm
Posts: 2948
Location: Toronto
I really feel for the allergic B-day boy. Even as an adult, friends often suggest eating out to me at restaurants that are far too dangerous for me. When I decline, they'll say, 'oh right! - that wouldn't be safe for you'.

I don't say, 'well, duh.' I just agree and find it almost easier to expect this. Then it's less frustrating.

But when you're a 4-year-old and Mom's planning your b-day party with a key allergen .... Good grief. To me, this smacks of a lack of imagination. Pizza is an easy solution when feeding a bunch of kids. But surely to accommodate her allergic son, there's a favourite of his that the other kids would like too? Is it too late to ask - since she's a friend - whether pizza is absolutely the menu choice? Might a milk-free favourite be possible instead?

Saskmommyof2, I do think you're doing the right thing in declining if that's the menu. Maybe if you're very polite but firm about it, your friend will start to get the message. And if she thinks you're judging her – what can you do. You have to follow your gut, and do what's right for your kids.

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 9:00 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
Quote:
Is it too late to ask - since she's a friend - whether pizza is absolutely the menu choice?


The party is at a bowling alley, where you can have a childs party as a package deal. The party package includes bowling, use of party room and pizza. A package without the pizza is available...but adding the pizza to the package is really cheap...and no other food choices are available.

_________________
DD age 9 1/2 -peanuts, nuts,
DD age 7 1/2 - milk, eggs, chicken, peanuts, treenuts, cats, dogs,
DS age 2 1/2
Husband- asthma, eggs, treenuts, fish, shellfish environmental
Self - penicillan, eurithromiacin, mild laytex allergy.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 4:31 am 
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Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2005 8:55 pm
Posts: 412
Location: Vancouver, BC
You'll have to let us know how this turns out...will that poor little guy need therapy sooner or later?

I can't imagine doing that to a kid. I feel really bad that your in such a no-win, SMo2, but I feel worse for that little boy.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:39 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 5:58 pm
Posts: 14
Location: Moncton, NB, Canada
I know my response is a little outdated . . . . however, this scenario just happened to me today !!!

One of my friends (my daughter plays with her two girls) has just dropped off an invite to a birthday party (for her 3 year old) next weekend . . .PIZZA PARTY AT A BOWLING ALLEY . . . My daughter has several food allergies, one of which is milk !

In the past she has always had her parties at her house because her daughters were not school-aged and I always brought cupcakes. Easy clean-up, etc.

But I am so NOT comfortable with this setting . . . residue all over the bowling balls, and lots of policing and preparing for me (get everyone to wash hands, make my daughter her own pizza, plus cupcakes). Too much work for one hour of fun. It makes you realize that non-allergic friends sometimes just don't get it.

The funny thing is I just had my daughter's birthday party a couple of days ago. We went to the local indoor amusement park (I had cake and gifts in the birthday room) and the kids got to go on all the rides, etc. after. Really fun time.

Oh well, I guess my daughter will have to get used to not attending every birthday party that comes her way.

Thanks for letting me rant ! Glad to see I am not the only person that has to deal with this stress or disappointment.

_________________
Michelle
Daughter (5 yrs) - ana to milk, nuts, peanut, egg, sesame; intolerant of beef; seasonal allergies; asthma
Husband - IBS - several food intolerances
Me - Asthma, some seasonal allergies


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 9:42 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6490
Location: Ottawa
We did attend a birthday party at a bowling alley. :oops:
They bowled and afterwards ate pizza. I brought a homemade pizza and she sat at the end.
The gifts were opened afterwards and then came the cake (cupcake for dd). lootbags were distributed and we all left.
I guess it depends on the order. I had never even thought about the bowling balls.
Why don't you ask about when they plan to serve the food?

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 11:21 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 5:58 pm
Posts: 14
Location: Moncton, NB, Canada
The order is pizza and cake first, and then bowling afterwards. However, since I declined, my friend sent me an e-mail - - - she had an interesting suggestion. My daughter could miss the lunch/cake part (1 hour), but show up for the 2nd hour which is just bowling.

She would make sure all the kids had their hands/mouths cleaned with wipes before they went bowling. That was thoughtful of her. This may be worth a go, no worse than just showing up at a bowling alley an not really knowing who had the balls before you anyway? What do you think?

_________________
Michelle
Daughter (5 yrs) - ana to milk, nuts, peanut, egg, sesame; intolerant of beef; seasonal allergies; asthma
Husband - IBS - several food intolerances
Me - Asthma, some seasonal allergies


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:30 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
Our party is pizza/cake first and bowling after. We're debating about going after the pizza/cake and just bowl too. Susan, we've done parties before too where the food is at the end...and left immediately following.

_________________
DD age 9 1/2 -peanuts, nuts,
DD age 7 1/2 - milk, eggs, chicken, peanuts, treenuts, cats, dogs,
DS age 2 1/2
Husband- asthma, eggs, treenuts, fish, shellfish environmental
Self - penicillan, eurithromiacin, mild laytex allergy.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:34 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2005 12:09 am
Posts: 1054
Michelle wrote:
She would make sure all the kids had their hands/mouths cleaned with wipes before they went bowling. That was thoughtful of her. This may be worth a go, no worse than just showing up at a bowling alley an not really knowing who had the balls before you anyway? What do you think?

I agree. I say the same thing about when we go to a park and play on the playground equipment. I think that it's great that your friend was able to offer suggestions to include your daughter too. :)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:28 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2005 8:55 pm
Posts: 412
Location: Vancouver, BC
I don't want to influence anyone to make a bad decision that results in a reaction, but I wanted to share what happened to us a year ago, cos it's kind of the same.

My son started playing tackle football, and he had been looking forward to it for YEARS. When we got there for the first day, one of the organizers had brought granola bars and juice for everyone. Even though she had no people close to her with LTA's she had made a point of bringing Quaker no-peanut ones, and she was so nice about it when I thanked her. BUT, she had also brought peanut-containing granola bars and that's what all his teammates were eating, so then I had to tell her how an invisible amount of peanut could get on Aaron and potentially kill him. I could see her eyes change, cos you could tell she had been so proud and happy to be doing a great thing, only to be told it wasn't good enough. So I felt bad about that and I could see that I had ruined her wanting to be helpful, and then Aaron came up, and was visibly anxious that someone would touch him and he would react. And I just got mad inside. Like how much is going to be taken away from us based on fear? Do I take him home and say, you can never touch other kids cos they might kill you, human contact is out for you - live with it. It just seemed too much.

So I said instead. You have an Epipen and I have an Epipen, if something happens, tell me and I will give you the Epipen. Go and have fun, we can't always be scared like this, let's try it and see what happens. And I was so stressed out, cos what if I had made a mistake and he actually had a reaction, that would be awful, but if I stopped him from doing what he wanted to do out of fear I knew that ultimately, in his life, that would be worse. It was one of those awful mother moments, when you realized that Oprah is right and it is the hardest job in the world.

And he went and tackled and got tackled and rolled around with all those other kids, and nothing happened.

Baseball was like that too. At the concession stand they sell peanut containing chocolate bars, and I offered to do all the shopping so I could control the chocolate bar buying, and pointed out that there were kids with peanut allergy, and maybe they could buy safe chocolate bars cos I was worried that he would come in contact, and the answer was that no one was allowed to eat in the dugouts so it shouldn't be a problem. That bugged me for a while, cos it did not seem to me like I was being unreasonable, but I did not want to make a fuss, and really, if no one is eating around him, it shouldn't be a problem. So I let it go, and it has been okay.

I would have preferred it if they had said "Of course, we just never thought about it! and threw all those Reeses peanut butter cups in the garbage, cos that would make me feel better, but they didn't. And I just did not have it in me to do more then that. I still feel icky when I see the peanut containing chocolate bars for sale, because seeing peanut makes me feel icky, but Aaron gets to play baseball, and that's important.

I can see that having a kid with a milk allergy is a much harder thing to deal with then having a kid with peanut allergy. I would be terrified of Aaron going to a birthday party after everyone had tucked into peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but it seems that just about everyone has heard of the dangers of peanut so it is not on the menu anymore, so I am not saying, send them to the pizza parties, it will be okay. When he was younger I did not let him go to a party where I felt that the parents did not get it, and then it turned out I was right as they had a pinata with peanuts in it.

I guess what I am saying is that we have to try our best to find a way for them to live in the world with all their allergens lurking everywhere, and it is not easy, we have to try to balance the fear with the danger and allow them as much freedom within those parameters as possible.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:46 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2005 12:09 am
Posts: 1054
Pamela Lee wrote:
I guess what I am saying is that we have to try our best to find a way for them to live in the world with all their allergens lurking everywhere, and it is not easy, we have to try to balance the fear with the danger and allow them as much freedom within those parameters as possible.

Your whole post was so very well said Pamela (not just the above quote) -- your words mirror how I now feel at this stage on our journey with food allergies. It's taken me 3 years to get here but I can honestly say that I've now found a greater peace about it and I think my son has a greater quality of life because of it. It's so not easy (as you've said), and I know even harder for those parents who have multiple allergies to contend with. Yup -- hardest job on earth!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:19 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6490
Location: Ottawa
Pamela Lee-
Quote:
I can see that having a kid with a milk allergy is a much harder thing to deal with then having a kid with peanut allergy.

I'm so glad you said that because since we've got the peanut/tree nut allergy diagnoses, I have found I am way more anxious about the milk. Perhaps because I have always worried about milk and avoiding the peanut and tree nuts is just business as usual. Perhaps becaus eso many products are obviously peanut free but I have to try harder to investigate the milk.
I have been feeling like I was a bad mom because I haven't been worrying much about the peanut allergy.

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:36 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 5:58 pm
Posts: 14
Location: Moncton, NB, Canada
You are both so right . . . it is a balancing act between keeping our kids safe and letting them enjoy their childhood without undue fear.

I find myself always trying to keep my emotions "in check", so that I don't let the fear run our lives (in other words, I try not to think years ahead . . . to her playing with her friends without parent supervision, or (gasp!) dating. I just try to find solutions for right now.

What I liked about my situation with the birthday (pizza/bowling) party was that my friend came back to me with a solution . . . so it showed she was on board. I really don't like to "force" or "police" other peoples events (but I will if our attendance is necessary . . . in a diplomatic way of course . . . LOL). Anyway, her intention was of course not to cause harm or to exclude my daughter. She was just doing a party her youngest daughter (4 yrs old) really wanted (they didn't even want pizza, but the birthday party price included it and they would not give a discount). It was great that we came up with a solution that works for everyone.

I really enjoy this website and forum as you can see that you are not alone with particular hurdles. We don't have a local support group, so it is great to have a place to go on-line.

Thank you for your stories and advice and good luck to everyone this week with school starting (in Canada) !

_________________
Michelle
Daughter (5 yrs) - ana to milk, nuts, peanut, egg, sesame; intolerant of beef; seasonal allergies; asthma
Husband - IBS - several food intolerances
Me - Asthma, some seasonal allergies


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 11:45 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
Quote:
I'm so glad you said that because since we've got the peanut/tree nut allergy diagnoses, I have found I am way more anxious about the milk


Susan, when and how did you find out about peanut? Was it through an allergy test? My little one may be peanut/treenut as well (my allergist thinks so), she's never had either because her sisters allergic.

_________________
DD age 9 1/2 -peanuts, nuts,
DD age 7 1/2 - milk, eggs, chicken, peanuts, treenuts, cats, dogs,
DS age 2 1/2
Husband- asthma, eggs, treenuts, fish, shellfish environmental
Self - penicillan, eurithromiacin, mild laytex allergy.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 6:27 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6490
Location: Ottawa
Saskmommyof2- When she turned 5 I ask the alergist to test for peanuts and tree nuts as we had ben avoiding them until 5 (she was adeveloping allergies so let's not introduce any more of the top allergens). Of course the allergist said, "That's not how we do things,we test after a reaction has occured."
We were given the green light to introduce tree nuts, she was fine with pistacio. Then we tried walnut and she reacted tingling mouth, hives on lip when the facial swelling started we gave the Epi-Pen (less than 2 minutes after eating one small piece).
Because the package did say may contain peanuts/ tree nuts the allergist tested her and she tested positive for all tree nuts and peanuts.
What is your plan with your daughter? To avoid all nuts, do a blood test or an oral challange at the Dr's?

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 11:29 am 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
Quote:
What is your plan with your daughter?


The plan so far has been strict avoidance, including avoiding exposure to the skin test. We're holding off any confirmation of allergy or not because it really does not make a difference to us. We would still be avoiding them because of my older daughter regardless of my younger daughters allergy status to them. My allergist "has a feeling" she is allergic based on his experience with other patients so severely allergic to milk and other things...so we might as well assume allergic...rather than exposure needlessly through a food challenge or skin prick (which may not tell anything anyways due to her not having previous exposure). So I guess to sum it up, we're indefinitely holding off on any confirmation.

_________________
DD age 9 1/2 -peanuts, nuts,
DD age 7 1/2 - milk, eggs, chicken, peanuts, treenuts, cats, dogs,
DS age 2 1/2
Husband- asthma, eggs, treenuts, fish, shellfish environmental
Self - penicillan, eurithromiacin, mild laytex allergy.


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