Talking Allergies

Lately she has started asking "when I am big, wil I still have allergies?". Drat, she is definitely internalising risk and the sense of "difference". Luckily she has a pretty healthy outlook on life but don't you wish for that magic wand now and then?

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renie
daughter: ana for egg, sesame, dairy, pistachio/cashew/hazelnut. allergic on contact. allergic to soy protein isolate. other lesser allergies (e.g. dogs, dust mites). well controlled asthma. eczema.
son: p-p-p-p-peanuts

Speaking of the magic wand...my girls were discussing what they would wish for if they had ONE wish. They both wished for another webkinz (like we don't already have enough!). Then they asked me what I'd wish for. I said "that my girls would outgrow their allergies". "You mean, you would wish that we weren't allergic to anything?" said my oldest "Oh don't do that! Then then great pumpkin wouldn't come to our house anymore. He brought us webkinz mom!" She wasn't willing to change her one wish in the whole world from a webkinz reindeer to outgrowing peanut allergy. Well she'll get her wish...I got her a reindeer for christmas.

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DD age 9 1/2 -peanuts, nuts,
DD age 7 1/2 - milk, eggs, chicken, peanuts, treenuts, cats, dogs,
DS age 2 1/2
Husband- asthma, eggs, treenuts, fish, shellfish environmental
Self - penicillan, eurithromiacin, mild laytex allergy.

Breaks my heart too renie...

I am not looking forward to when my baby girl realizes she's different and cannot do some things other kids do... My one wish is that she outgrows her allergies too... I guess it's the wish from all of us "allergy moms".

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Me - Kim - No allergies
DH Ben - 31 - Allergic to nuts and peanuts, lots of environmental allergies.
DD Anne - 4 - Asthma. Allergic to dairy, eggs, mustard, kiwi, peanuts, wheat and barley... for now...
DS Francois - 1 - No allergies so far...

Yes, when I have to tell her that wishing doesn't make it so, I always seem to add under my breath "or you wouldn't have allergies."
But then I wouldn't have met all of you and I wouldn't have an outlet for all of my letter writing compulsions!

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

The better news - is that I suspect it's probably more wrenching for parents than for the children at risk.

When they''re 'your allergies', sure they can be a pain in the butt, a kid might feel frustrated, left out sometimes, but she or he probably gets used to them and accepts them more readily than Mom or Dad – because she or he has never known any other way of living.

I certainly feel that way as an adult with several allergies. And in my job as roving "allergy reporter," I've met some pretty happy, well-adjusted allergic kids. One teenager told me that having allergies made him "more empathetic". I like to think that will be true of lots of kids with allergies.

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin

saskmommyof2 - thanks for sharing. it is a nice reminder when their wishes are so simply and better still when we can indulge them.

_Susan_ and kdufour - it is always nice to be in good company.

Gwen - always such salient and timely advice/reminders.

Such brave kids ...

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renie
daughter: ana for egg, sesame, dairy, pistachio/cashew/hazelnut. allergic on contact. allergic to soy protein isolate. other lesser allergies (e.g. dogs, dust mites). well controlled asthma. eczema.
son: p-p-p-p-peanuts

Gwen, I suppose you're right. For the child growing up with the allergy this is their reality. The parent finds the tools and teaches the child how to adjust and make their way in the world. It is the same as all of the other street smarts they are taught.

The parent remembers a time when you didn't think about death and medications and where is the nearst hospital. We realize that there are two ways of looking at a peanut or that not everyone is going to know that you have to wash your hands after eating.

It's important to own my anxiety and not transfer it to my child.

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

I think it's important to put it in perspective, too. Now I have done my share of whining and so has my kid, so I am not being self-rigtheous, but one day he said "When I grow up I'm going to help kids like me." He wouldn't feel like that if he didn't have allergies. And some of the people I think are the greatest in the WORLD are the ones I've met through this.

At least our kids are typical when they are not having reactions, and we have control and can prevent most of their issues.

I know a mom of a kid with diabetes who hasn't had more than 4 hours of straight sleep (unless her husband spells her off) since her child was diagnosed. Most nights she is up every hour on the hour to check her blood sugar levels. Compared to what some people have to deal with, ours is easy.

I am telling you this not to be a jerk, but I find when I am whiny (not to say that YOU are whining, your feelings are totally valid - and even if you were, if you can't vent and be understood here - where can you vent an be understood?), and going "why me, why my kid?" if I look over at the mom dealing with her non-verbal autistic child who is having a meltdown in the grocery store, and everyone is staring at her, and no one realizes that the child is autistic cos she looks just like everyone else, and everyone is making comments about what a rotten kid she has/what a rotten mom she is, I suddenly feel I can cope just fine.

Pamela - it is so true. And our daughter is a great reminder - she's in a big Terry Fox phase and all about wanting to cure cancer and help others... And of course her wondering whether or not she will have allergies when she's big is normal and healthy and no doubt influenced with hearing "do they think she'll outgrow it?" or "well, those can't be serious allergies so don't worry, she'll outgrow it in no time" since before the time she could talk.

I don't usually have a "why me" feeling - I do believe that although we all get challenges, we don't get more than we can handle and I KNOW we are tremendously fortunate. Not to say that I don't have my (many) moments of being impatient with (intentional/stubborn) ignorance.

As far as the judgemental parents out there, especially the ones who are stangers witnessing an isolated moment in time - autism or not, trying not to judge is so important, being role models for our kids and simply because we never know what others are going through.

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renie
daughter: ana for egg, sesame, dairy, pistachio/cashew/hazelnut. allergic on contact. allergic to soy protein isolate. other lesser allergies (e.g. dogs, dust mites). well controlled asthma. eczema.
son: p-p-p-p-peanuts

I should say, trust me, I have my "why me, oh why?" (cue violins) moments. (Usually they involve business travel and crankiness from starving during flights when I didn't get time to pack food).

I just have such a great impression of many of the allergy kids. I keep thinking of that little guy in Laurie Harada's Hallowe'en column for AL. A reporter is interviewing him and asks how bad he feels because he can't eat all the treats. Little guy looks at him squarely and says, "Why? It's only candy." Great 'tude on a lot of "our" kids.

Pam, I hear you re diabetes and autism. My niece is Type 1, a good friend has an autistic little guy.

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin

It can be heartbreaking.
Most days we try to have a positive outlook on life and I believe that having allergies in our family has changed many things in our lives for the better.

A few weeks ago while it was just her and I driving out of the blue she said "Mommy, I don't want to be allergic anymore" Took eveything in me to not breakdown at that moment.

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4ye old DD allergic to sesame, peanut, raw egg , and mulitple environmental & seasonal allergies

2 yr old DS -no known allergies!

mygirlsyd - those are the moments when I am glad to be driving, so that she can't see the tears welling up in my eyes! you prepare for so much and then they just take your feet out from under you when you aren't expecting it... I don't mean to take away from all the miraculous or wonderful moments - I think I have just been stunned by my own daughter realising that, hey, life could be different. Again, our kids sensitise to so much; I don't recall having as much capacity to view life with as much attention as my wee one...

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renie
daughter: ana for egg, sesame, dairy, pistachio/cashew/hazelnut. allergic on contact. allergic to soy protein isolate. other lesser allergies (e.g. dogs, dust mites). well controlled asthma. eczema.
son: p-p-p-p-peanuts

I think it is great that you are having conversations with your kids about their feelings, especially when they are feeling bad. Lots of kids try to protect their parents from how they feel if it is negative, because they don't want to add to the parents burden. It's really great and says a lot about you as moms, that they feel they can talk about what they are going through, and know that you are there for them.