Talking Allergies

I remember way back in the day (pre hubby) I did think who would want to have to put up with allergies and asthma? Who would want me? I asked my Husband last night what he thought when we started dating he looked at me like I was asking a silly question. I explained my thoughts at the time and he said it was never a thought, never a deal breaker! I was always up front as he could never eat nuts... around me. I must say it took him very... long to really get it. Not that he compromised me in any way, but he was never very worried that anything would happen. He has since seen me have a few very bad reactions. There are times I may have to deal with a situation and there are times he is my knight and he takes care of situations for me. In our home we do not have any of my allergy items. If I am away he takes that time to go out for shell fish and have peanut brittle (one of his favorites) but he does this when he will not put me at risk. I do think it would be unfair to tell him he will never have my allergy items again but it only makes sense that he would never put me at risk.
I also want to mention, on the thought of having children, I have had allergies since I was very young and other family members have allergies as well, including my niece who is allergic to nuts... (her mother, my sister no allergies!) I have two children with no allergies! (I count my blessings on that) We never know what our children may get but everyone has health issues, it may be allergies it may be diabetes it may be something else. I did think I would have children with allergies but guess I was wrong. They are not babies any more (one is taller than me the other is getting close)
When you meet prince charming, who is the one it will not be a deal breaker!

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Me-Allergic to Peanut, Tree Nut, Coconut, Shellfish, ASA and Asthma
My Husband and Children No Allergies

Aw! Thank you so much, both of you, for your encouragement. I suppose I am just being affected because all my friends have had tons of boyfriends and I am the one who is like, well, I can't even kiss a guy unless I know what he's eaten or had to drink (amaretto, disarono made from almonds...)! I know when I meet the right guy it will all be worth it...I guess I'm just a little impatient!

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Associate Editor at Allergic Living.
Allergies to all nuts and legumes except soy and green beans.

Lisa, they have tons of boyfriends because they haven't met the right one yet either!
Go to places you enjoy and do things you find interesting. You will meet people with similar interests.

Food allergies shouldn't be a deal breaker, it just means you need to find a partner who has a certain level of maturity. Yes, the subject should be touched on early in the dating phase (before the first kiss). It's a good way of weeding out the undesirables.

Doesn't it come down to respect?

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

You're absolutely right Susan. I guess it is a good way to meet someone who is mature, trustworthy and respectful of others and in an odd way maybe having allergies is an easy tool to use for finding "mr. right" or at least weeding out the undesirables as you said. So far, the guys I have met have not been relationship material but my best friend is turning 21 next week and we are all going out so it will be a good opportunity to test the waters some more...

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Associate Editor at Allergic Living.
Allergies to all nuts and legumes except soy and green beans.

A young woman (late teens) told me the other day that she feels like "damaged goods" when dating because of her multiple food allergies (tree nuts, peanut and some legumes). She said it in a tone of kidding, but there was a ring of truth and experience to it.

This made me a little sad. She's a lovely, vibrant, attractive, personable young lady. It made me think that we need to do more to remove the stigma of dating with food allergies. For instance, this daughter of a friend should be a highly datable person. (And no doubt will be in college.)

I told her that last part, and that if she's had grief over her food allergies in past from dates, she just hasn't found the right guy. What else should I say?

She's a little shy, which is no doubt part of the problem.

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin

Oh and Lisa, how goes the water testing, if you don't mind me asking?

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin

I think that it's unfortunate but the teen years must be very loney for those with allergies.

Undesirable is not the word I would use but possibly high maintanence, not by choice but out of necessity. Unfortunately there are a lot of teens and young adults who will simply choose a partner who is "easy" (not in the same way we might normally use the word )

Other than eating and intimacy, allergies should not be too big a problem. There are plenty of activities where one can avoid allergies.

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

Gwen,
I met someone and we spoke for a few weeks after and before I even got to mention my allergies he showed me he was clearly interested in one thing. Plus, I'm 21 and he's 27 which is a pretty big difference for me at this age, definitely not if we were older but right now, it is.
I think I'll end up on eharmony or something soon. My brother had great luck with it and if I find someone who is a good "match" for me then they will most likely be willing to deal with my allergies.
I really truly wish there was some sort of forum for people with allergies to meet and date. Even if you don't have the same allergies, you are obviously going to be understanding. I totally understand the situation that girl is going through. It's really, really tough to talk about your allergies without feeling like you will scare a guy away. Plus, how ackward is it to ruin the moment if a guy leans in to kiss you and you have to inquisition him about what he ate??

They say that 50% of the population know someone with food allergies...maybe there should be a way to link them up.

It's not so much that we want to limit the dating pool to only those with allergies but we would like to limit it to those who are willing to learn about the other person and who can be caring, sensative to the other persons needs, open minded, willing to learn...OK, who wouldn't look for these qualities in a partner?

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

True Susan .... I think a big part of the issue is that people w/o allergies don't mean to be insensitive, they just don't get them. And it's so hard to explain all the details of this condition while in the throes of just getting to know each other.

It's interesting, Lisa, that you bring up online dating. The reputable sites do seem so popular now. Would the e-harmony one give you the opportunity to list allergies as one of the things to know about you? Might be nice to have that known upfront.

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin

Hmmm...not sure. I know there is a series of standard questions that you answer according to a grading scale but I'll have to ask my brother if there is a place for additional comments or something.
I'll wait for one of their "free communication weekends" to start up...

Maybe we'll see you on one of their TV ads one of these days .... "Lisa found her perfect allergic mate ...."

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin

Haha! Yes! You never know...

It seems that those with severe allergies have to be more mature which I think then limits the selection regardless...

As a parent, I do not eat my child's anaphylactic allergens and I wouldn't eat my husband's either if he had any. It's just the way it is. I think there are so many more things tougher than allergies but absolutely see the akwardness before that first kiss. hmmm check out paramedics etc who would notice the MedicAlert bracelet

There are perks to dating a girl with food allergies --- the gentleman may not be buying a lot of dinners out!

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me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental

Well after three weeks of eHarmony and over 150 matches (a lot compared to what I've heard other people get in that time) I met someone who I click with! I mentioned the allergy thing and he didn't hesitate to say that he will do whatever necessary because "your health comes first" and he wouldn't want to see me sick! Just wondering if you have any suggestions as to the specifics I should tell him about. Like cross contamination and all that. Like, how can I list the important Allergy 101 stuff without it being too overwhelming? Any suggestions would be great!