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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 6:21 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
Posts: 650
Location: AB, Canada
Til now, DS has only been allowed to eat food that we've given him, or, when shopping he can look for the peanut free symbol and help choose snacks. He is starting Kindergarten next week, and the teacher will be giving out baked goods from home. She is allergy aware since she grew up with a PA brother. I don't want him receiving baked goods from elsewhere at this point, she offered to buy him his own snack. I offered to make comparable cookies (kiss cookies & gingerbread man), and can give it to her.

Sounds good right? But then it struck me that he'll be accepting food from someone else who says it's safe. He's been told over and over that just because someone else says its ok, it might not be, so to check with mom or dad first. If we allow him to have these baked goods that he thinks are from the teacher, is it a slippery slope? She wants him to think it came from her, as a bonding thing. I want to keep her on my side since she's trying to get the school to change it's ana policies and I don't want to seem difficult.

I probably sound like a lunatic.

What do you do?

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DSs 7,7,9 all PA


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 7:10 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
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Location: ottawa
Becky, are you able to be there for such events and together with the teacher give your son the treat. You both could explain that the treat is from the teacher but Mommy says it's ok to eat? Your son would realized that you still have the final say in what he eats and the teacher will be able to share cookies etc. with him. This also lets the teacher know that it is a big deal and just because she gives him a treat once does not mean this is ok unless you are present etc..
If you are unable to be present when he is given a cookie etc. would the teacher let you know the day ahead so you could talk with your son and let him know that you are aware his teacher has a treat for him the next day and that it is ok with you for him to go ahead and eat it.

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DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 7:12 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
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Location: Ottawa
I would explain that at this point you want to keep the rules simple and clear in his mind. Our family rule is that dd only eat foods which mommy or daddy have determined to be safe (each time).

I think it's great that she has a high level of understanding in terms of food allergies but for now, I would ask her to respect your family rule.

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Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 8:44 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
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Location: AB, Canada
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to give her an option, a comparable homebaked good (although I'll make it a different shape since I think it's good for him to not be eating 'exactly' what everyone else is) that he knows is from home, or a peanut safe treat from her (such as a wagon wheel or mini safe chocolate bar).

BC2007, I agree with the discussing it before hand etc...BUT she wants to give out a home baked good on the first day of school, so there isn't time to build a relationship or any type of understanding between the 3 of us and foods, and since it's his first time in a 'big school' (he's been at home other than some preschool at a small private facility), I don't want there to be any confusion about what to eat etc..as he gets older this might change.

She did say she could send it home with him for approval, but til now, the approval process has been calling the company or looking on line (he knows what's involved and will remind me to '"look on 'puter" to check something out). If there's a chocolate chip cookie in a ziploc bag, I don't feel comfortable 'inspecting' it in front of hiim and giving it the a.o.k without there being a label etc..

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DSs 7,7,9 all PA


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:05 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
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Location: ottawa
I say follow your gut. If you have set food rules then bonding aside the teacher needs to respect that. Sounds like she has a good understanding of allergies but I really feel that unless it is your child's life on the line it still is really difficult for others to grasp the situation as seriouslly as we all take it. You are so right, you also have the option just to say, thank you but no, we have rules, I am sending my own treat. It won't be the first or the last time your son has to have a different treat. I think your son won't be too worried as long as he gets a cool treat :D
Good luck....I dread such situations.


Just a thought. If she is determined to had out baked goods on the first day of school how does she know a child with late registration doesn't have a food allergy also and maybe to another food than your son's??? The food/reward/bonding thing drives me nuts too. Sports teams, school, play centers, it seems everything must include a food reward.

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DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 3:21 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
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Location: Ottawa
While I can understand her desire to bond with her students etc., the school really does need to try to include all students as much as possible while trying to reduce the risk of exposure to allergen.

I get that she understands allergies because her brother has them. I also get that there are almost as mant different comfort levels as there are people and that her brother is most likely a grown man who doesn't live with her.

Is there no chance of trace contamination in her flour? Does she not have any of your son's allergens in her house?

It's a little late now for her to change her plans but :roll: ...I wouldn't be happy if my child was forced to sit out on fun activities that have nothing to do with the curiculumn just because of a medical condition.

Let's hope that once she knows what your comfort levels are, she can try to include him in activities by think out side the cookie jar!

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Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 3:35 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
Posts: 650
Location: AB, Canada
I'm going to put together a big bag of 'treats' to be kept in the classroom for DS (wagon wheels, PC rice crispie squares, safe lollypops, gummie bears, granola bars, mini mars bars etc..) so that if/when the need arises, she can choose something and give it to him.

I talked with her about it this am, and she's happy with it. :)

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DSs 7,7,9 all PA


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 9:38 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
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Could you make a fun sticker with him on your home computer that would show him that you okayed it? I am imagining a thumbs up with a special font or something like that which couldn't be mistaken for any other sticker or symbol --- so if you made a cookie or sent a treat and put that sticker on he would know it's from you.

I relate to your concern about not wanting him to accept food from others. And if there is a substitute or volunteer one day who doesn't know and he equates them as "teacher" would he accept something? Not to freak you out but just imagining a 5 year old.

In early years my daughter didn't mind if I brought the treats whereas now in middle school I do it on the sly but she knows they are from home --- I have baked 6 dozen cupcakes and delivered them to the teachers before the kids arrived.

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me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 3:13 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2007 9:22 pm
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Becky wrote:
I'm going to put together a big bag of 'treats' to be kept in the classroom for DS (wagon wheels, PC rice crispie squares, safe lollypops, gummie bears, granola bars, mini mars bars etc..) so that if/when the need arises, she can choose something and give it to him.

I talked with her about it this am, and she's happy with it. :)


I think that's a fantastic idea! I may just have to do that too!

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Married mom of 4 living children and a baby girl in Heaven.
Between myself, my husband, and our children we have way too many allergies to list.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 6:01 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
Posts: 650
Location: AB, Canada
Thanks for all of the ideas, I really like the safe sticker one.

I'm feeling bad for DS and might bake some comparable cookies to send with him. He'll have to know it's from home, but he knows the bag of treats is from home anyhow.

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DSs 7,7,9 all PA


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 6:07 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 6:50 pm
Posts: 205
Location: Ontario, Canada
I went through the same thing last year. In the end I sent in treats that I purchased with DD. We put her name on the boxes so she knew they were hers and checked from home. On a few occasions there were treats from school ( popsicle at the end of the year etc.) Her teacher would e-mail me ahead of time to confirm the treat was peanut/nut free and then I would tell DD that she would be offered a ___ from her teacher the next day and that I checked and it was safe. That way the rule stays the same ( only food checked by mom/dad). Everyone has different comfort levels and you need to figure out what feels best for you.

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daughter: 6 years tree nuts, peanuts


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