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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 2:23 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
Today at lunch ( 10 minutes ago ) my four year old said "why don't we see grandma very much?" ( MIL stories can be found under "Ignorant People" )

I did not know what to say. She has never heard the real reasons, and never heard me complain about her.

She then stood up, put the hands on her hips, looked really mad and said "Grandma isn't very careful with my allergies or my sisters. Sister has an allergic reaction when grandma kisses her. Grandma shouldn't eat foods that sister is allergic to and kiss her. I know not to. I don't drink cows milk because I kiss my sister. Grandma should be more careful. Then I'd like to see her. If she is making me or my sister sick...she shouldn't come over."

I've never talked about any of this where she is able to hear. I have given her sister benadryll in front of her when my MIL has caused a reaction. The rest she must have realized it on her own.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 4:25 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:35 pm
Posts: 64
Aren't children AMAZING?? I'm SO glad she figured it out on her own, what a perceptive little girl you have there!!! :D

What does your husband think of all of this?


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 5:33 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
I hate nuts,
My husband totally agrees with me about everything as far as his mother is concerned. He gets REALLY annoyed that she refuses to take the allergies seriously. He doesn't know what our daughter said today yet. He's been away on business since wednesday and will be home tomorrow. He travels a lot with his job.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 6:32 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6490
Location: Ottawa
Is it possible for your daughters to "visit" Grandma via the teephone? It really is a shame that the lady can't be trusted and believe me, I've read the stories- you are well within your bundaries to insist on keeping your children safe.
I just feel sorry for them that they can't have access to their history.
Perhaps your daughter could lead her grandmother by example. Keeping others isn't that hard once you get used to it. It just takes the mental energy to want to do it. I think that is what hurts when family members don't get it.


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 Post subject: MIL
PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:14 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
We could try the phone thing, currently my daughters do not like thalking on the phone. Their dad works out of town a lot, and they won't talk to him on the phone either.

Today, as she figured the whole allergy thing out she was really mad! She realized that grandma does not try really hard to not expose them to thier allergens. My daughter is very likely right now to tell her off! I'll let my four year old cool off a bit. Its a pretty tough situation to explain to a 4 year old. Somehow she put the pieces together herself.

I have suggested that my MIL come over (wash of course ) and no kisses. I have offered to host holidays and cook for everyone. No luck! We live in the same city, but she also is "really busy" with her own life, and grandkids are kind of a novelty, to be fit into her "family holiday" of people who don't talk to each other the rest of the year. When we don't attend "family food fest" we don't see anyone ever. I don't even think that she knows yet that I don't want her coming over. She doesn't see her other grandkids (with no allergies ) very often either because of her "busy" life. When my niece was born ( first grandchild ), she did not see her from Easter "family feast" to "thanksgiving family feast" ( over 6 months! from 5 months old to 11 months old ) even though my sister in law said she could pop by anytime. They live in the same city too!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:27 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:35 pm
Posts: 64
I can't even imagine!! I want my kids and grandkids to live next door! :lol: That is so sad, maybe your four year old should say something to her, might open her eyes!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:42 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:39 pm
Posts: 1141
Location: saskatchewan, canada
Someday when I'm a grandma to allergic kids ( I'm sure they will have allergies too ) I will be the best grandma ever!!! I will learn to cook without their allergens and only give them food that my daughter has approved first. My home will be safe for them. I will read up on all current allergy info. and help my daughters when they want it. I will babysit and learn to use the current epinephrine injector, their inhalers or what ever medicine they need. I should write this in a letter to myself so I remember!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:55 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 8:35 pm
Posts: 64
You won't need to write it down, because that's the kind of person you are, you'll do it. She is missing out on something so amazing with her grand kids, she's obviously just not a kid person, and a selfish woman at that.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 10:41 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 932
Location: Oakville, Ontario
That's really sad saskmommy. What we all need most is support from our families. It really comes from a lack of understanding. It sure would be nice if there was some way to teach your mil that these allergies are real. I guess seeing it first hand would make her a believer, but you're not about to provide that performance. I hope someday something happens that turns her belief around.

I know what you mean about the phone... my 3 yr old son also does not like the phone either - he's afraid of it! Instead of calling her, maybe you could just have your children draw her some pictures, and mail them to her. That way she would know that her granddaughters still think of her - and it might be a reminder that she is not seeing her granddaughters for a very good reason. Maybe? I always hold out hope for people - somehow they'll come around one day? We can only hope, and do the little we can to make this possible one day.


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