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 Post subject: Daughter being bullied
PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 3:33 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6474
Location: Ottawa
Our daughter (8) has been the primary focus a boy in her class who it seems is not the best at controlling his emotions. (I don't think he has a severe disability, but he is exempt from some class activities and benefits from the "helper" sometimes) I figured it's just pre-adolescence and boys not knowing how to relate to girls.

Monday night she's super sassy...a clear sign that something happened at school or daycare. It turns out that, in French, she shares a desk with him, right under the teachers nose and all day he had been smacking her on the wrist (that bony protuberance) and even 3 hours after school had finished, it was still beet red and painful. The teacher had words with him at one point and he did it again with no penalty! Then he stole her boot in the cloakroom! Earlier the librarian who insists she hasn't brought her library book back went and looked but isn't even looking in the right spot (according to dd).

:( sigh* ever have one of those days and feel completely helpless?

Tuesday am, she had a sore tummy and really tried to get out of going to school but I took her (late). Signed her in and left word for the teacher to call me. Headed to the library and asked the librarian if there is another place to look for the book. Sure enough, it's a new book and kept in the new books on display area! :roll:

Happened to see the principal 8). Who , of course asked me how things were. :swing So, I told her the story. You know, it's hard to advocate when you can't get the teacher alone. If you raise your hand, they ask you to speak in front of the entire class. If you motion her to come to your desk, he shares it with you! At recess, you line up and march outside while the teacher goes to the staff room.

They moved dd so that she sits with her good friend and placed a boy beside him. :thumbsup It's so refreshing to have an issue that's not food related! :happydance

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Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:54 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 6:53 pm
Posts: 1454
Location: Canada
I hope your daughter is doing okay...that she's not too upset over these incidents. I guess in a way, it is less scary than food-related issues!


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:41 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
Quote:
The teacher had words with him at one point and he did it again with no penalty!

Regardless of a child's age/ability there must be some form of consequence. Without even a verbal repramand (which can be done kindly) not only is this boy led to believe his actions are acceptable but it also implies to your daughter that from her teacher's perspective it is acceptable to have someone hit (etc.) her.

Ah, at least you are well versed in dealing with the teachers/school this year :lol:

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 10:03 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:04 am
Posts: 5
this sounds like a serious problem that will not be solved by just moving the children around. All of the articles that i have read on bullying say that the children can not solve this, parental and educator involvement is required.
i would keep a close eye on the situation.
If this boy likes to pick on your daughter, he will not give up just because his chair is moved.
Also, if she is starting to have an "illness" to miss school, it must be extremely upsetting to her.
i would ask to book a conference with the teacher and possibly the principal to make sure they are proactive about the situation


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:46 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:45 pm
Posts: 804
Location: Vancouver, BC
That's awful to get picked on and have an adult around who doesn't stop it. I remember in grade 5, a boy put a live worm on my head at recess on picture day. I was/am squeamish about creepy crawlies and was horrified. When I told the on duty teacher, she laughed and said 'Oh, he probably likes you'. That was so unsatisfying - he didn't even get in trouble! I later dated him in high school, but didn't get around to asking why he did it in the first place.

I hope the desk move puts an end to it!

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DD 2004 Allergy to peanuts, egg, sesame, and new: lentils and chick peas
DS 2006 Allergy to peanuts, tree nuts, milk, egg, kiwi fruit, eczema


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:20 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6474
Location: Ottawa
Yes, dd is being coached in how to not appear to be a victim...she'll start Karate after March break (when her other extra curricular activities end or can be re-scheduled).

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Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 4:11 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:40 am
Posts: 428
Location: Alberta, Canada
My son is in karate and though he will be a jr. black belt very soon it is not about the potential to physically defend ones self it is all about the confidence. His karate teacher (love him) use to work with troubled youth so he is very good about kids and confidence and how you conduct your self in a situation. I think with bullies often if you just say to them this is not ok you are not going to do this they back down. I found with my two kids I would role play different situations so they had the words ready. I also had to tell my DD that she did need to be kind to the other kids but it was not her job to please the other kids. ( this was when another girl was telling her who she could spend their breaks with gr.2 ) I think it is great that she told you all about it. It is so hard when our children hurt in any way.

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Me-Allergic to Peanut, Tree Nut, Coconut, Shellfish, ASA and Asthma
My Husband and Children No Allergies


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 6:43 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6474
Location: Ottawa
Yep, it's all about not seeming like a victim. She's been asking for lessons since I signed myself up.

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Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 1:21 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:40 am
Posts: 428
Location: Alberta, Canada
Susan you are also in the karate? I joined in September and I love it. Found the moves to work my brain as much as my body. My son is able to help me at home as he is much farther along than me and he is a leader (helper) in the class for children at the same belt level as me. I found all the other adults in the class of every level all help each other out big time. :thumbsup
Wish I would have started years ago. Never too late I guess. :banana

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Me-Allergic to Peanut, Tree Nut, Coconut, Shellfish, ASA and Asthma
My Husband and Children No Allergies


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 3:59 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6474
Location: Ottawa
Yes, I like it. I hate exercise but I enjoy the challenge. It's got a deep history and ties to math, physics and psychology.
I am very competetive...too much so! :roll: I like that everyone goes at their own pace.

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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