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 Post subject: When friends forget...
PostPosted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:51 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
Posts: 649
Location: AB, Canada
Overall, I have found friends to be better about allergies than family. But it's hurtful when they forget even unintentionally. I was just chatting with a friend about a trip we'll be taking soon, and she said 'oh, there's an awesome ice cream shop next to the park'.

CRINGE. And it makes me not want to go to the park since there will be dripping cones everywhere and my little ones don't understand allergies at all.

I know it isn't malicious, and when you don't live something every minute of every day you can forget. But then it is a constant reminder of how different/restrictive living with allergies is.

I have to remind the grandparents on a regular basis for pete's sake. What part of LIFE THREATENING REACTION is so hard to grasp.

Sorry for being so whiny, it's just hard.

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DSs 7,7,9 all PA


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 12:30 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2009 4:12 pm
Posts: 51
Location: Ottawa
Right there with you, hon.

Just yesterday I had an almost identical experience with a friend about going to an amusement park together. I had to explain that it just wasn't going to happen because things like that are very food-centric environments I didn't want either of our 3 year olds to have to feel deprived of treats (either hers gets treats and mine doesn't, or neither do but hers is expecting them and begs making mine feel bad about her allergy).

People always think it's the shopping that is the hard part. To me, its the social aspect that is more complicated. I always feel like I have to be the wet blanket when I put the kibosh on ideas like that one.

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Mother of a fantastic little girl with peanut allergy, cat & dust sensitivities


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 1:31 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
Posts: 649
Location: AB, Canada
Thanks so much for your understanding! It really helps. My parents (who always forget) are visiting from out of town, and are playing with the kids. I just heard my dad ask if there was anything special for the last day of kindergarten, and if there were special foods/what did he eat. (well, the TA brough a beautiful cake, but DS couldn't have any...)

I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!

PS. I know exactly what you mean about outings. I will only take on something like that as a family unit, where we bring out own food etc and stick to ourselves. We NEVER go with other families, since I don't want my kids to see others with cotton candy, dipped icecream treats & hotdogs that they can't have. I feel quite anti social, but the little ones don't understand and will just cry. Maybe it'll get easier when they're older?

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DSs 7,7,9 all PA


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:54 am 
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Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:23 pm
Posts: 129
I can offer a different perspective as a parent who had a child with lifethreating food allergy who then outgrew it and and no food allergies for 3 yrs. Our lives went from reading every label, barely eating out at all to buying whatever we wanted, eating where ever....yes it was a blissful time for a while!! We used to bag relatives and friends who 'forgot' about Joels egg allergy...but Im really embarrassed to say that I also 'forgot' about my nephews allergies on one occasion...it wasnt that i didnt care or wasnt interested....just that my own kids and their priorities were in the forefront of my mind and thats what I was totally focusing on...I was truely horrified when I realised that Id provided a food that he was allergic to...but it really is easy to do...now that we have allergies back in our lives again I find it very easy to remember and provide.
We are living this this every day every moment every second...there is not a day that goes by where it doesnt play a huge part in your life-friends dont see or do what we have to do every day, every second, and cant possibly be expected to be thinking along our lines every time (having said that there are some that are better than others at remembering). You cant even leave the house without thinking allergies can you?(ie I bet when you grab your bag to leave the house the first thing you think of is 'where's the epipen...rather than where's the car keys'??)
We have just had a very pleasant surprise from my dad-who to date hasnt been able to get his head around a lifetreating allergy to barley (which my son has) being any different to dealing with coeliac disease (which my mum and sil have)-one kills one doesnt (not putting down CD suffers but the effects of a little bit are very different)-today he told me he has a part of the bbq that hes set aside for J to use so we can cook his food on it without any chance of contamination-yayyyyyyyyyyy!!
Im sorry your friend forgot-but dont be too hard on her as it really is easy to focus on your own issues and not immediately think about what you are dealing with.
Take care!
caz

_________________
twin boys-
c-eosinophilic oesophagitis
j-avoids peanut, sunflower, pineapple all ana-sensitised to maccadaemia.pecan.Passed barley (previous ana) last year...out grew egg ana and peanut at 3 years..became re sensitised with ana at 6 years to peanut.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 10:14 am 
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Joined: Sun May 23, 2010 11:48 pm
Posts: 13
Maybe the friend didn't remember the allergy, but remembered food was significant for some reason.
That could have led to thinking about food related activity. How long can people go without thinking of food in a food-centric society?

Perhaps the mention of ice cream could be an opening to remind the friend of the allergy. "Oh, ice cream sounds good, but not for us. Sever allergy, you know."

You need not make it a complete description of every aspect of your situation. Just a reminder to someone who is familiar with the term allergy and the word severe.


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