Talking Allergies

well.. we made it through the wedding week with no use of the epipen, and only Benydryl 3 times!! (which wasn't food related)

We did stay with my mom, and we pretty much didn't do anything with the family. The wedding was nut/egg free... I know, because I did the food and made sure of that.. It was a brunch and no egg in sight (except for the cake, which was ordered)... I don't think anyone even noticed! We went out to a fish restaurant for the night before, and they didn't have any peanut anything on the menu, and all their batters had no egg. Most people just ordered grilled fish anyway.. so it went well.

Thanks to all of you for your concern and for the support. My family has been made aware that we will never be a part of any big gathering with them again, until they can respect me and my child. I am just so happy we kept her safe.

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DD: 11/19/08 allergy to eggs and peanuts

Wonderful update! I think it was a great choice to stay with your mom, and I'm so glad things went very well! It truly amazes me how selfish families can be (I know frompersonal experience), they read a news bite about 'outgrowing allergies' and then can'[t understand why a donut from Tim Hortons isn't ok, or why we CHECK EVERY LABEL and DO NOT allow outside baked goods.

Best wishes to you, I know how hard it is!

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DSs 7,7,9 all PA

What I hope for you and your DD's sake is that your family somehow really 'gets it' and soon so that you are able to attend events when relatives gather. I am relieved to hear your weekend went without incident, what your family has to realize is that there was no incident due to your vigilance, change of plans as far as accomadations and your extra efforts to organize food events.
Hugs and great job, I know that your 100% priority is your daughter, it still is hard I'm sure to be forced into a situation where you had to be confrontational and rock the boat so to say with immediate family.
Unfortunate, but as we've often read on this forum necessary to do.

Your daughter is lucky to have you. She will learn so much from you as she grows up about standing up for herself and putting herself first when it comes to safety.

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DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish

I'm so glad that the wedding was a success and that everyone was able to enjoy the event!

Each family has a way of relating to other members and when you bring two families together in the form of a wedding where roles are changed and new alliances are formed...it can be like Big Brother in hyperspeed!

Add a momma bear who is desperate to keep her child safe while still trying to fulfill the responsibilties of her family role and you have a powder keg situation.

You deserve a rest -you did good! Put a few months of distance between you and the event. You have allies in you your sister (bride) and your mother. They can educate the others in their subtle ways of showing that keeping a baby, any baby safe is both within their abilities and expectations.

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

While I haven't had a min to read all the replies, I just had to say something.

I really REALLY feel for you, 1000000%.

Our situations were different than your situation, but the same attitude applied.

I lost friends and family over my son's allergies.

I'm really angry for you.

What I once said was something like "if so and so was in a wheelchair and we were going out for a meal, wouldn't you make sure that the restaurant was wheelchair accessible?"

Of course you would.

So why WHY would my friends/family INSIST on serving something SO DEADLY (with previous experience, and pictures to prove!) while my son was there??????

Incredibly inconsiderate and I would not risk it.

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4yo ds: Finally!! Milk and Latex allergy. Preservative sensitivity. Asthma. Hay fever.
6yo ds: Hay fever, ADHD, asthma, penicillin, azithromycin, cephalosporin.

glad that you were able to stay with your mom so you could attend and keep your daughter safe. I can't believe your family's response. that's harsh.

I've managed to stay with family who don't 'get it', but it is hard. I cook all of my own food myself. i seriously bring all my kitchen supplies (pots + pans + a couple of knives, etc., etc.) I use cutlery/plates/bowls, etc. that are in the cupboard already, but I check them to make sure they're 100% clean first (especially the cutlery since there are some crumbs in the drawer...) Some folks think I'm overly anxious, but oh well.

Sad to see how many of us have to deal with family who don't get it...

That was a good move on your part to stay with your mom - the stress of being in a house with unsafe food is not worth it.

As someone's story pointed out, too many people just don't get it until they have to deal with anaphylaxis in their immediate family.

It is unfortunate that many people think that it is okay for a toddler to be around the allergens when an epi-pen is at hand - how do you properly explain that an epi-pen is not a cure but a medicine?

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me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental

Hi all,

I'm writing a story for Allergic Living on close relatives who don't "get it" and this thread certainly reminds me why we need to spotlight troubling stories about families and severe food allergy every few years.

If anyone would like to contact me through email or pm with an anecdote about a certain family misstep or two, you can reach me at mcarolynblack@rogers.com

Please provide as much detail about the situation as possible, how you felt, whether things have improved or worsened, or you can email me with your phone number so we can discuss it at your convenience. The stories can be about a child's or an adult's allergy and the problems trying to trigger that 'light bulb moment' with extended (or even immediate) family.

Looking forward to reading your stories, thank you!

Carolyn Black

Hi Carolyn, I notice from your e-mail, you work for Rogers?

I just reread the previous article you wrote, well done, thank you, and was wondering if you have ever written an article regarding schools, as that is ususally where our children are when we're not present and to me seems a bigger issue. Maybe next?

Michele

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Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy

Oh Michele, don't tar and feather her yet!
My e-mail ending is @rogers.com as well and it's just my provider.

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

Sorry Carolyn. I'm very new at all of this tech stuff and my filter between my brain and mouth is broken and I'm very frustrated out here in Alberta.

Michele

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Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy

No worries, alberta advocate! I did write a reply better explaining myself but it seems to have vanished - Susan, can you see where I wrote a reply in the past hour to any other AL threads? Maybe I posted it somewhere else by mistake - talk about being new at this tech stuff, ha!

Anyway, I'm a freelance writer and I have written several schools/allergy stories for the Toronto Star and Education Today (Ontario Public School Board's magazine) but nothing yet for Allergic Living. AL has quite a number of great articles on schools by other writers - check under the School section on the main page.

We do feel this relatives story needs to be revisited because anecdotes surface regularly in many allergy support forums. We'll have new expert perspectives on how to deal and tips to improve communication. Hope this helps explain!

Carolyn
*fingers crossed this posts properly this time...*

Sorry Carolyn, I don't see it anywhere. Your last two posts were your introducing yourself and requesting feedback for this article.

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb

Great topic Carolyn. You will get some responses for sure on that one.
I saw another introduction you posted on the Managing parties special events thread if that is the one you are looking for.

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DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish

According to the Disaronno website, their amaretto contains no almonds, and is nut-free. Therefore, it is safe for people with nut or related allergies.

Does DISARONNO contain nuts?
No. Contrary to popular belief, DISARONNO doesn't contain any nuts and is not made from almonds.
http://www.disaronno.com/en/faq/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amaretto

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15-year-old son: peanuts, nuts, raw egg whites, asthmatic
Self: allergic rhinitis, fragrance/chemical sensitivities, oral allergy syndrome