You are viewing Allergic Living Canada | Switch to United States

Talking Allergies

* FAQ    * Search
* Login   * Register
It is currently Mon Dec 22, 2014 4:32 am

All times are UTC - 4 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 46 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 10:12 am 
Offline
Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
I think we all have a tendency to gloss over the ingredients of products which we are accustomed to believing are safe.
Thank you for reminding us of this.

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2010 10:35 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
Posts: 650
Location: AB, Canada
Hugs to you. I felt sick when someone here pointed out that my 'safe' chocolate baking - that I had been sending to school all year HAD A PEANUT WARNING from the Cocoa. :banghead I'm glad your DS is ok, take it easy on yourself.

_________________
DSs 7,7,9 all PA


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 7:39 am 
Offline
Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
Bump

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 3:49 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:03 pm
Posts: 22
I love that I found this topic. My guilt stems from my failure as a breastfeeder. We tried unsuccessfully for 3 weeks. My son was miserable. I was miserable. He wouldn't latch. I was pumping constantly and only produced an ounce a day. He lost weight quickly and we had to supplement with a bottle of formula every time I feed him for an hour. After spending a day at the breastfeeding clinic and having Cameron screaming with hunger (he would actually punch my breast...part of me wonders if it was the dairy in my milk) our doctor declared Cameron a formula fed baby. I often think I should have stuck with it longer. Especially when my la leche supporting friends suggest that cameron's allergies stemmed from the formula....but I know I should let it go, find a place for it...forgive myself and move forward


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:05 pm 
Offline
Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
Ack! I breastfed until she self weaned at 18 months!
I blamed myself for adding milk to my coffee (her awful eczema cleared up as soon as she stopped nursing!).
As mothers, we want to protect and nurture our children. If something happens, we internalize that. But it isn't our fault. No one woke up everyday and thought, "How can I screw up my child's life today?" We did the best we could with what we had. All of our choices where inthe best interest of our children.
The opinion of the 'specialists' swings like a pendulum. If they don't know, how can we be expected to?
We need to accept the reality and place our energy into what we truly can control, what we do today and tomorrow.

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 11:37 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:03 pm
Posts: 22
Thanks so much for that, Susan. I know these things rationally, but emotionally I still have a lot of work to do. It does help when I hear stories about breastfed babies with allergies or families with multiple children with allergic and non-allergic kids. I just find myself floundering when the inevitable, "why does he have allergies?" question comes up. The fact that my extended family collectively each have one of cameron's allergies, albeit not as severe, seems to be a plausible factor. I think that even my husband (no allergies, none in his family) harbors some feelings of blame towards me and my family for my son's problems


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 11:50 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
My friend who is a social worker often tells me I am NOT guilty when I say I feel guilty. She says that the definition of guilt is the admission of intent. Well, regardless how it is put I feel awfully guilty at times and yesterday was one of them.
After a similar margarine incident (didn't triple check ingredients) in the summer with gelatin I swore it wouldn't happen again, (he put his tongue on buttered toast with margarine containing gelatin, instant vomiting).

Well, stupid me, yesterday I went to make DS Grilled cheese, he almost only eats 'real' cheese but the new block wasn't open and the process cheese was. Knowing he'd eaten it once before I didn't check this particular package and proceeded to make him is lunch. I put one bit on a fork and he sniffed it asking 'what's that, what's that'. I said grilled cheese thinking he was questioning the different look to the cheese (from real cheese). He looks at me with this look of faith and puts one bit in his mouth. Before he chews and within a mili second he spits it out and vomits everywhere. Treat then investigate I've learned from the wise folks on the forum so I took off his shirt and saw there was no rash or hives and no further symptoms. Benadryl did the trick as once he vomited that was the end of the symptoms but OMG did I feel awful. Sure enough, this brand of processed cheese has gelatin in it.

If he'd swallowed it would have been a very different story. Luckily it was gelatin and not Pn or TN or Sesame as even touching his lip would have been a day at CHEO.. But how did I make the same error 2x., live and learn, live and learn.....but the lesson is hard when it is with your kids life.
So guilt, yup, I've got enough of it to last a lifetime. After a huge melt down which was made worse by my adoring son who came over hugging me, wiping my tears saying ' mommy hug me, mommy no cry, love you mommy'.

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 12:10 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:03 pm
Posts: 22
Wow...my eyes just welled up...although I was in shock when the ambulance came(which seemed to slow everything down for me so I could react instead of feel) I will never forget the female paramedic asking me what C ate. When I showed her the box of rice cereal and told her it was a new brand...she looked at me like, "idiot"....we control so much of their environment, their consumption etc. We can't be perfect. We make a million decisions every minute we are with them. All we can do is our best. I used to get so deflated when I would try a new muffin mix etc. Or whatever, only to see the hives return...I guess the lesson is not to give up and let ourselves off the hook once in awhile...because we do everything with the intention to protect and nurture our children...and sometimes, we make a mistake


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 12:29 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
Thanks Tiffrench,
Something else Susan told me once comes to mind ...she has great advise what can I say. She reminded me that we have to look at how many thousands of times we feed our kids without incident. The unfortunate situations are the ones that tend to stick with us but I do try and reflect on all the times I have fed him and he was safe. It just feels so stupid when I worry about what others will do to him and then accidents happen with myself feeding him. :banghead

Glad I'm not alone. I'm also glad I have a place to be honest about my 'accident's' and not be judged or told I am an idiot for making such an error ( I feel like a fool already, don't need others confirming it for me). I really am thankful every day for the support on this forum.
I know what you mean Tiffrench, if I mention to non allergic friends such incidents they will just say things like 'oh well, he didn't die, no harm done, move on'.

Again :banghead

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:18 pm 
Offline
Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
Just about all of dd's anaphylaxis reactions happened when dh or I fed her. Well, we are the ones to check everything and to try out noew foods on her so of course it's that way.

We accept a certain ammount of risk in trying new foods and plan in advance will we be awake and able to drop everything if a reaction occurs in the next 8 hours? Is she of optimal health and free from cold/flu symptoms so that any symptoms we see would clearly be due to a reaction? we keep epi's near by and even pack a hospital bag with clothes, snacks and entertainment for everyone involved.

We do our best to avoid them but reactions will happen, no matter how careful we are. As long as risks are minimized and protocol is followed, I won't assign blame.
But...
God help the person who takes it upon themselves to feed her food that dh and I haven't OK'd or who calls me first to ask if it's OK to give the epipen. If you're calling me, it's time to give it.

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 2:43 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
Quote:
God help the person who takes it upon themselves to feed her food that dh and I haven't OK'd or who calls me first to ask if it's OK to give the epipen. If you're calling me, it's time to give it.
TRUE!!!!



I must add that if such an incident as I had yesterday was to happen at school I would expect them to use the epipen. I was totally confident the situation was under control and I was comfortable with my decision to give benadryl with no second guessing myself. I was able to check him over (no rash or hives other further symptoms) to see that all else was in fact ok.. But I also have the benefit (unlike a teacher) to have experienced severe reactions and to have already seen a huge range of symptoms to (finally :wink: ) recognize what is happening.
I also was able to watch him like a hawk for the rest of the day to ensure no symptoms came back. So it may sound hypocritical but if I heard he reacted at school and they didn't use the eip I'd be furious. Just the way it is. :|

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:12 pm 
Offline
Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
:huggy

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:30 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
BC2007 wrote:
Quote:
God help the person who takes it upon themselves to feed her food that dh and I haven't OK'd or who calls me first to ask if it's OK to give the epipen. If you're calling me, it's time to give it.
TRUE!!!!



I must add that if such an incident as I had yesterday was to happen at school I would expect them to use the epipen. :|


:huggy awareness and education! so you know how and know you can.

_________________
Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


Last edited by alberta advocate on Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:32 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 1643
Location: Toronto
where did my post go. :scratchy

None of my kids ate cats as babies, but two are allergic to them. Did I cause the two by not feeding them that...or prevent the one by feeding him it? I did not take any penicillin while pregnant or nursing. Two of my kids were given it when they were about 2 & 4 years old. the other NEVER got it. all three are allergic. The two that got it as children developed hives. the younger one....allergist said it was a severe allergy....one he expects would result in anaphylaxis based on the size of wheel and his reaction to other allergens when he was exposed to them.

doctors keep flip-flopping about whether avoidance as infants causes allergies...at one time they said avoidance was a cause.

personally, I don't think it causes or prevents.

NO MOMMY GUILT ALLOWED!!!! but, if you absolutely insist on feeling guilty...then put a time limit on it. You can feel guilty on Monday's from 10 am until 11 am.

_________________
self: allergy to sesame seeds and peanuts
3 sons each with at least one of the following allergies: peniciilin, sulfa-based antibiotic, latex, insect bites/stings


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Parent guilt
PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:36 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
AnnaMarie wrote:
None of my kids ate cats as babies,


:rofl

_________________
Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 46 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

All times are UTC - 4 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group