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 Post subject: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:58 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
So as you all know I am an allergy mom of endless words, so why is it when I needed those words I teared up and had nothing to say.
I have gone several times with success to our early years drop ins. There is a snack time but the ladies who run it have been great. We bring over the table from the play kitchen and DS eats his snack there. If there is someone with a safe snack I explain his allergies but allow a 'friend' to sit with him so he isn't by himself. So today a lady plunks her kid down at the table and realizing she had no idea of the situation I explained he had allergies, what was the child's snack as if it was safe I 'd love for her to stay and eat at the same table. She says grapes and then another grama has a child sit down at DS's little table. , I go over it again but her granddaughter is eating raisins so she says too. No problem.

Then the one lady pulls out a zip lock bag of what I can tell are not regular cheerios. I asked if they were multi grain or honey nut because of DS' s allergies. There are many varieties of cheerios now and many organic versions actually have nut trace in them. She replies in a huff 'does it really matter'. I said yes. She becomes extra rude and says like she has time to check everything in the kitchen,she just grabbed a snack from what was in the cupboard. Then she grabs the baggie and says to the grama "I wasn't aware they let kids like HIM in here'. I asked what she meant and she said you know, kids with ALLLLLL these ALLLergies'. (said super rude)

So I am almost in tears, my son is 3 1/2 he and I are right there, he understands them HELLO!!! So I was about to say something after catching my breath when she rolls her eyes at the other lady and pours the cereal on the table for the little girl who is sitting right next to where my son is eating.

I couldn't even say anything. I have been so good with the food, I don't check what other people at other tables are eating, I never announce his allergies, I don't hound people for not washing hands. I just view everything as contaminated. It also doesn't matter what type of cereal it was, the fact was this was DS's safe table , I explained that, I allowed them to sit there. They could have moved. It is the principal. People (most) accept that you can't discriminate against a person's religion or culture, but it is totally fine to discriminate against allergies. That is what made me the most upset. I should have said more but I was so upset that I just left. The lady who runs the group came out to ask what was wrong and I told her. She said that is not OK. The point is , it was done and it might be small and trivial to anyone else but it wasn't to me.

So, I cried all the way home and now I feel better. :roll:

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:32 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:45 pm
Posts: 803
Location: Vancouver, BC
Omg! I can't believe the nerve of some people. I don't know what I would have done, either. Did you say there was a supervisor or someone that runs the group? They should know about this type of rude and appalling behaviour.

Would it help to put up a sign on the table that says 'allergy aware table' or something like that?

Awww,hugs to you and your DS.

_________________
DD 2004 Allergy to peanuts, egg, sesame, and new: lentils and chick peas
DS 2006 Allergy to peanuts, tree nuts, milk, egg, kiwi fruit, eczema


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:13 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
Aw, I hate that that happened to you guys. :huggy to you both. Some people are so rude and ignorant. Ignorance is easy to change, you can educate kind people.....rudeness....well...I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you feel better. :huggy x 10

_________________
Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:09 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
:huggy That makes me so angry on your behalf. And I feel for your little guy to have to be subjected to such ignorance. It is no wonder that our kids with allergies are often more mature than their peers.

Why, oh why, do people act like we all chose these allergies? If your son was in a wheelchair would she have knocked him over and risked injury? If he was blind, would she have stuck her foot out in front of him to trip him? She did even worse by putting out unsafe foods next to your 3 year old!

Do you know of a few other parents at the playgroup that 'get it' and that you could ask for them to sit next to your son? Or, how long is the darn play group that they even need snack?!?

:huggy

_________________
me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:12 pm 
Online

Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
Along with our beautiful ribbons, do we need a little card for moments like that where you are speechless? I had one myself, and perhaps like you, I am rarely at a loss for words! First thoughts of what to put on such a card are not pleasant and even if a card was purely educational, likely idealistic to think that someone so ignorant would even read a card but just a thought...

_________________
me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:40 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
Quote:
I am rarely at a loss for words! First thoughts of what to put on such a card are not pleasant

I agree, maybe it was a good thing I was at a loss for words. . If I had said something it would not have been beneficial at all as I know I could not have articulated anything other than rage. It was like getting punched in the stomach. And imagine, such ignorance is being passed onto their kids!!! There was just no need even for her to bring the cereal out again, the child was very small and happily munching her grapes. Putting out the cereal was the equivalent of flipping me the bird, no other way to look at it especially after her remarks and the tone she was speaking in.

Thanks for the hugs, I needed them today. I have thought of 100 things I could have said to her .....after the fact. :roll:


Quote:
Do you know of a few other parents at the playgroup that 'get it' and that you could ask for them to sit next to your son? Or, how long is the darn play group that they even need snack?!?


The parents who are there vary a lot, my friend who used to meet me there went back to work. I could have DS just eat alone. I was acutally quite proud of myself when they first sat down for how I handled checking what they had for food without being over bearing or rude. If they only knew what a huge step it was even letting them sit at his little table. :evil: I don't get it either , why even have a snack time. That is one reason I never went the past few years to the early years drop in's . I only started to go in the fall when I felt DS and myself could handle the snack time safely.
Grrrrrrrr :abduct

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:22 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
Posts: 649
Location: AB, Canada
I'm so very sorry, I HATE coming across people with that attitude, it scares the heck out of me. I don't know why everything has to involve food. Can't there be a playgroup where the kids don't have cookies at the end???

Hugs to you.

_________________
DSs 7,7,9 all PA


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:30 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 926
Location: Oakville, Ontario
:huggy to you BC2007 and to your son. I am so sorry you had to go through this today. This was incredibly rude and disrespectful to you both. Her behaviour was very thoughtless and cruel. I hope you never see her at this playgroup again.

_________________
15 yr old daughter: no health issues
12 yr old son: allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, fish, sesame, sunflower, mustard, poppy seeds, green peas, some fruits, instructed to avoid all other legumes (except soy & green beans), pollen, cats, horses


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:37 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
I was just thinking, it's a good thing for people like that that we allergy mamas don't travel in packs. Grrrr indeed!

_________________
Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:43 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
alberta advocate wrote:
I was just thinking, it's a good thing for people like that that we allergy mamas don't travel in packs. Grrrr indeed!

:rofl Perhaps we will if we get this ribbon idea going! :goodidea

_________________
me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:54 pm 
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Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6468
Location: Ottawa
OMG :frightened
:verymad :evil:
:banghead :roll: :cry:
:huggy
How RUDE!
I am glad that you were able to convey the situation to the OEYC staff.
Honestly, that parent was not going to listen to anything you had to say so, it's just as well that you didn't try. She's a bully! All I can say is, "Good luck" to her dauhgter, she's gonna need it.
FYI-Ontario Early Years Centres:
Quote:
If you are a parent or caregiver of a child, up to the age of six, you are welcome at the Ontario Early Years Centre in your community.

The years before six are the most influential to a child's development. How we care for our children during the first six years sets the stage for their lifelong learning, behaviour and health.

Ontario Early Years Centres are designed to meet the needs of all parents with young children. Each Centre is linked to child and family health and social services in the community. Staff at the Centres can refer parents to other services as needed. The focus of the Ontario Early Years Centre is to help all parents give their young children the best start in life.

The Ontario Early Years Centres are funded by the government of Ontario.

http://www.children.gov.on.ca/htdocs/En ... ecialneeds

This is your OEYC! You pay for the service, you and your son have a right to this service and you do not owe that parent any explaination at all! In fact, I suspect they have a policy on bullying.
http://www.children.gov.on.ca/htdocs/En ... chart.aspx

I really hope that you can speak with the head of your OEYC and perhaps go up the chain if need be. OEYC needs to have a policy regarding food allergies and they need to post this somewhere obvious!!!

Tell your son I think that mother was very mean and I'm glad he doesn't have a mommy so mean...can you imagine? That poor girl won't have too many friends! :P (we need a better sticking your tongue out emoticon-the one we have is too happy!)

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 9:07 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
Quote:
alberta advocate wrote:
I was just thinking, it's a good thing for people like that that we allergy mamas don't travel in packs. Grrrr indeed!
:rofl :rofl

Thanks everyone, I really needed all the hugs today. If DS had been even a year older I think he would have really really understood and been in tears himself. Now THAT would have pushed me over the edge.

THANK YOU ALL! :huggy

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 1:16 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2005 12:53 am
Posts: 375
Location: Alberta
I have thought of 100 things I could have said to her .....after the fact.

Isn't that always the case?? What an AWFUL woman! I can't tell you how many nights I've laid awake rehearsing how I shoulda/woulda/coulda handled situations like this. Sometimes I've even spent the next day writing letters. Funny thing ... I never sent any, but I did come to this board to learn how others handled situations like this. It has always made me feel better.

If I can offer any solace, it's that your ds will never remember it. You will though - and you will probably tell him the story again one day, and he will marvel at how you managed. I find myself telling my ds (almost 11) about so many of the little things that happened during those years, and he doesn't remember any of it!! (Well, he remembers the reactions and the hospitals, but I'm glad he does - it keeps him careful.)

Funny story about Honey-Nut Cheerios - my ds always loved the regular and multi-grain kind, and I love Honey-Nut so one day I read the box and saw that it didn't actually have any nuts! So I gave it to him! He loved it! Then I showed my husband the label because he didn't believe me, and I read almonds as one of the top ingredients. I just about threw up. How did I miss it??? Ds is allergic to tree nuts, but strangely, he did not react to that cereal. He has since tested negative for almonds (which some say are not actually a tree nut), but still tests positive for a variety of tree nuts. I don't recommend that method for ruling out an allergy ... we got lucky!

Keep us posted .... :huggy


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:09 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
You are all amazing. Thank you so much. Momtobunches I also am thankful that DS won't remember such encounters. When he says I have allergies it isn't sullen, we've taught him ( in suit to Kyle Dine music) to say loud and proud 'I have Allergiessss'.

What we feel and do as parents I'm thankful that our kids for the most part are unaware. My job is to teach him how to be safe, the extra @#&(* however is my job to keep away from him.


For a tear jerker listen to Ode To Parents by Kyle.



Quote:
....You learned so fast how to keep me safe
Maybe scared of something new
But if you worried, I guess I never knew.

....There's no need to worry as I grow up
You've shown me what to do
As you grow older, I'll get older too


.....When I go out into the world
Put your worries on a cloud
You've made me strong
And I will make you proud.


_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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 Post subject: Re: Play group situation
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 11:54 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
Being that I am an allergy mom and seasoned at sending letters I fired one off this morning to the Early Years as well as the ministry of ON contact which over sees the early years. :mrgreen:

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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