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 Post subject: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 10:47 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6429
Location: Ottawa
Dd was looking forward to the much hyped "Birthday" party for our Karate school today. Last year was a lot of fun with Gladiator Games, demonstrations etc.
This year we had a dunk tank and a bake sale with proceeds going to ovarian cancer research. One of the co-owners has a son with anaphylaxis allergies to peanuts and nuts so we always have an allergy table with several prepackaged/well labelled products (Enjoy Life, Guardien Angel etc).
It was a long day with a lot of people, music and sun. Once we got home, I realied how tired and hungry she was. She had eaten a bit but not much, I had planned for her father to come get her but she didn't want to go.
She had a melt down as all of the other foods were very good looking compared to the usual packaged safe bars. Just a bit of a pity party which I must admit I can't blame her... :(
Well, her friends come over and out she goes, whew she's happy again! Until the ice cream truck come by... :banghead give me a break.
Turns out he's parked in my condo parking lot. The poor unfortunate fool had no idea that momma bear was just looking for someone to sink her teeth into! :frightened :evil: :roll:

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Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:43 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
I think our kids are allowed a pity party now and then, I know as an allergy mom I take time to have one every once in a while.
Susan I'm so glad that the majority of the party was allergy friendly, fun games etc., but I have to admit that if I was in our kids place (especially by the pre teen/teen age) every once in a while I'd be sick of my safe packaged treat and just want to walk by the snack table and grab any old treat and just stuff it into my face (without washing my hands first or reading ingredients first). :huggy
It reminds me of the Happy Camper article in Allergic Living by Jenny Kales. Her perspective was great.

Let her wallow today, tomorrow you find the silver linings and remember it 'could be worse'. And the ice cream truck, he'd be very very brave (or foolish) to ever park in your lot again. :mrgreen:
Tell R she rocks and that we send her HUGE HUGE HUGS!!

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:10 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6429
Location: Ottawa
I made her ice cream, Daddy ran off to the store to get ingredients so she could make supper and apple dumplings for dessert (at 9 11/12, cooking dinner is a treat!).

I told her that I would crawl over broken glass and eat hot coals and razor blades if that would make her have no allergies...and yet I love her just the way she is and I wouldn't trade her and her allergies for anyone else (no offense, I'm sure your kids are all fabulous too!)!

I think she needed to see me rip the ice cream vendor a new one! I was polite at first but, you're parked in my driveway (condo parking lot) and my kid can't eat any of your stuff. I was going to offer a suggestion as to what he could carry but all of a sudden his English is lacking...French accent and the vendor permit is for Toronto...hello? We're in Ottawa? No problem, give me your business card...Oh, you just work the truck? No problem, what your company name and I'll contact them directly...Oh, you don't know? Really? Who's your boss...Simone? Simone what...Oh...you don't know...now wait just a darn minute... :verymad

Poor guy...he didn't know I missed Karate class today and was looking for a sparring buddy... :rofl

Dd wanted to tell her friends what I said, um no honey, I don't want you using those words... :oops

I think she was secretly proud of her mommy standing up like that. If I hadn't of waved in the direction of my home with dd standing out front, I would have called the license plate # in to City By-law. No one is that evasive just because their stopped in a private driveway...

Dh says, he probably wouldn't pass inspection. If he's serving prepackaged stuff that's one thing but the stuff he's serving isn't and he probably isn't sanitary. dd wouldn't be allowed to eat that stuff even if she didn't have allergies. (His parents wouldn't let their kids swim in Lake Ontario as kids. My family just stepped gingerly over the dead fish on the beach to get to the water-whaaat? :freak )

Anyway, she's fine today but she did have a bad dream last night. Probably Mommy going berzerk...I'll find out later. Poor kid is proud/terrified of me sometimes. Maybe Karate isn't the hobby for me. I was quoting Sun Tzu's Art of War years before I ever took it up and I took out a 16 year old last Tuesday in self defense class...it's OK, he loved it and gave me the hi-5 afterwards while I helped him up...we are a strange bunch... you're still my friend, eh?

(Sometimes I'm surprised Gwen lets me be moderator... :abduct )

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:55 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
:huggy I can only speak for myself, but I'm thinking you let the rest of us feel that we're ok when we run it off the rails at times. :thanksign for sharing. Today is a new day.

Personally, I feel most people (parents in particular) should stand up and holler a little more, these days everyone seems too busy and tired, and too many people are getting away with too much.

You know that show "What would you do?" My kids always say how I would be the one to stand up and speak out.....and they are very proud of me when I do....well, sometimes that doesn't happen till later :lol: 8)

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Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 12:51 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
Back to say..... I said
Quote:
run it off the rails
in my previous post. I am not saying you ran it off the rails.

If no one said anything ever, the world would be in such a mess.

Thank goodness for mothers with b***s. :wink: :thumbsup :huggy

_________________
Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 1:33 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1115
Oh, Susan, :huggy !!!

Loved every word of your posts because you described our kids' joys and frustrations as well as our own so well.

I will definitely re-read them... :thumbsup

I've decided that there are a lot of inconsiderate people out there and my occassional :oops: outbursts are okay.

It is that Mama Bear instinct!

_________________
me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 2:44 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6429
Location: Ottawa
You guys are great! I had to vent. I'll speak to the Karate owners. They are wonderful two moms both with at least one special needs child. I know that they mean well and will be heartbroken to hear that Dd felt bad. They love her like their own child and especially the one who has a child with FA too.

But dd has so many FA's that there is very little that she can eat. She was worried that the baked good I brought home might have become xcontaminated and that she couldn't kiss us goodnight.(the rest of my granola bars that didn't sell) Such big worries for little kids.

After thinking about it. Ithink that if there were a few more things for the kids to do to blow off pent up energy, she might have been OK. I'll make some suggestions for next year...once I think of them!

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Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:27 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 919
Location: Oakville, Ontario
:huggy to you Susan, and to your daughter too. Food allergies can create a real love/hate relationship with food when it comes to social situations. Those days are such hard days. My son, on occasion will openly say "Ahhh... no fair" when he sees others eating something he cannot eat at a party, and I feel SO badly with the food choice he has with him. We try to provide a reasonable substitute when we get home, but it's so hard at the time with younger kids faced with a yummy looking treat that they cannot have.

I'm not sure how others handle this, but with our family, we will not indulge in a treat when we are out with our son at a party/gathering if he is already upset that he cannot have it (he is 9 years old). I will say that we will have something together at home. In that way, we are showing our support of his feelings. I would not be capable of enjoying a piece of chocolate birthday cake (or whatever it might be) if he is standing there watching me. I don't expect others at the party to not eat the treat, but, if our family is united in not sharing the treat, it helps him get through the moment. We all have to gauge our children's readiness to handle these situations, and this is where we are currently at.

There are so many foods our son can't eat, that we pretty much have to bring his entire meal everywhere we go. I try to find out what is being served so can try to match his meal. We lug around our portable bbq & propane, and lots of foods - it's definitely a lot of work. So far, it's mostly okay. But there was a party last year for our daughter's softball team last year that had an awful lot of unsafe foods, and we then allowed our son to eat an entire large tin of Pringle's chips (not a proud mommy moment :wink: , but at least these moments have been rare).

_________________
15 yr old daughter: no health issues
12 yr old son: allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, fish, sesame, sunflower, mustard, poppy seeds, green peas, some fruits, instructed to avoid all other legumes (except soy & green beans), pollen, cats, horses


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 9:33 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:05 am
Posts: 636
Location: AB, Canada
Hugs to you Susan. DS hasn't had a major meldown - yet, but I sure have!! It's so hard, I'm so supicious of food and it breaks my heart to go anywhere and have treats given out that my kids can't have, or an ice cream stand next to a swimming pool, or kids eating concession food (or trail mix with peanuts from home) at a Wiggles concert, the list goes on....ok one more, I was upset with some kids at a playground the other day because they were passing around a bowl of grapes on the equipment (yes GRAPES!) right near my kids. My thought wasn't 'at least it's a healthy snack' it was 'REALLY??? Can't snacks stay over on the picnic tables??'

People always say that things will get easier, and there has been a certain level of that since the initial diagnosis, but I worry that from now on things will be the way they are - or harder - as DS grows up.

I'm having anxiety over the start of school in a big way. My kids went to day camps this summer, and brought food from home. I was surprisingly laid back about it. The camps seemed to 'get it' and I wasn't worried about anyone bringing a huge plate of cupcakes or handing out candy. For some reason, I KNOW it will happen at school, probably within the first week :(.

DS did tell me yesterday about a girl he knows who use to be PA but isn't any more, and he hopes that can happen to him too. I think it's highly unlikely, given how strongly he reacts. I didn't know what to say, so I said 'I hope so too'sniff.

Sorry this got so long. Good for you for tuning in the Ice Cream guy!!

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DSs 7,7,9 all PA


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:09 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 6:39 pm
Posts: 2928
Location: Toronto
Susan, we love you just the way you are.

Fact that even you, Madam Uber-organizer, feels like this at times is actually refreshing to hear.

Re R, think you're right that if there had been something else to blow off energy, change focus from food would have been good. Even as an adult, if an event is too much about the food (that you can't have) it can be a bit of a bummer. If there's a show or sport, the food is less the focus and it's easier to get past the denial aspect.

Bet this becomes a famous story for you two to tell: the time mom ripped a strip off the bandit ice cream vendor. 8)

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Allergic to soy, peanut, shellfish, penicillin


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 Post subject: Re: Post Party Breakdown
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:25 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1115
Becky wrote:
People always say that things will get easier, and there has been a certain level of that since the initial diagnosis, but I worry that from now on things will be the way they are - or harder - as DS grows up.


For our family, sometimes I think that my daughter with the food allergies accepts it the most. It is what it is. She doesn't want to experience anaphylaxis again hence doesn't eat certain foods. Obviously that is simplistic but at 15 she is okay with it most of the time - e.g., last night she went to a movie where her friends paid exorbitant prices for popcorn but she had her free popcorn from home :D Other times she does have a pity party.

As she has gotten older, what has made a difference is her friends - if they are not supportive she stops being friends with them. In 7th grade, one friend always wanted to get smoothies; often asking my daughter what flavour to buy knowing my daughter didn't even know what they tasted like (allergic to fruit). Once in a while would have been okay but it was every time regardless of the time they went. That wasn't the only reason she stopped hanging out with her but it was a big one.

The interesting bonus is that this has helped her learn about peer pressure and realize that a friend that who doesn't respect her allergies or pressures her to do something isn't someone with whom she wants to hang out. Doesn't always work though since a friend kept pushing her to watch a R movie that she wasn't allowed to watch then my daughter finally caved, hated the movie and for months felt guilty. When she finally told me she had watched it, to her surprise, I laughed because she had already given herself enough consequences with the guilt and hating the movie. And I was soooo relieved when she was scared to tell me that it wasn't something really bad!

All of her friends now are 100% supportive of her food restrictions. They rarely eat out but only go to places where she can eat, at sleepovers they just eat what she can eat. When they cook together (mostly in the winter), they do it at our house - that may also be due to me being voted the funnest mom :pipe . They do a lot of physical activities together and don't focus on the food which is really great when you think about it... Really wish that my younger daughter and her friends would do that! :banghead

I recently have some physical mobility limitations and my kids feel worse for me than I do - I do what I can and watch them do the rest and just occasionally have a pity party. My limitations are not life threatening but they do impact our family.

Honestly, my daughter who has no allergies/limitations is less empathetic and I do wonder if she is hardwired that way or would be different if she knew what it was like...

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me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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