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 Post subject: Guilt!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:29 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:06 pm
Posts: 217
Location: Terrebonne, Quebec
Since my older daughter is allergic to dairy, egg, beef, peanut and sesame - her diet is incredibly restricted. I've always said i'm not going to eliminate these food from the house as much as possible (except for the easy to eliminate things) but even then, i'd rather that she learned that some foods just arent' safe for her.

She seems a little bit slower on picking up on the fact that she can't eat certain foodas and we can, only in the past 2 months has she actually started to identify foods as "unsafe". My problem now is I find it hard to get her to understand why. Should I be happy that she identifies EVERYTHING I eat as being unsafe (even though a lot of the time it is). I always explain why it's not safe, like "Mommy's sandwich has cheese, and that's dairy, so it's not safe for you, it can make you sick". And she'll repeat "Not safe for Kayla.. sick.." But with the whole list of her allergies, when will she really understand? She seems to know eggs and dairy arent' safe, but i save the peanut butter mostly for after her bedtime, so she never really sees me eat it. For her third birthday (in november) i'm getting her a play kitchen with the plastic foods, since she's recently developped a liking to make believe and imaginary play, and I plan on using that as a tool, but when it comes to Multiple allergies, should I be introducing one at a time and explaining her allergy to her that way, or kind of do it all together? We don't really have anything sesame in the house, and the peanut butter is never out when she is, but she seems me (and her sister) eating cheese all the time, and this pregnancy i've been a sucker for my bacon and eggs...

_________________
Daughter 3.5 years) - Dairy, Eggs, Peanuts, Sesame, Beef; asthma and eczema
Daughter (2 years) - Peanuts Eczema
Son (7 months) - Contact allergy to something food undetermined


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 1:28 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
I really like her saying "not safe for ------" instead of "no". That was one of the best pieces of advice I got...from a dad in a "non allergic family :huggy ....

DD loved her kitchen and it was a great learning tool....we were lucky to have room for it in the kitchen so we "cooked" together. Great to keep them busy too while you chat and cook.....DS was born in early December and Santa sure knew what we needed.

I hate mommaguilt. one word. We spent last evening @ the hospital....she's fine now but worn right out....and the new epi works just like the old one.....except you never see the needle...and quick attention here in emergency :thumbsup .

_________________
Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:32 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:40 am
Posts: 429
Location: Alberta, Canada
AA hugs to you and your daughter, glad you had quick help at the hospital. That is exausting for both of you. Glad you are both doing better. :huggy
Cauger though I really cannot help too much with any advise (the allergy is mine) Your daughter sounds like she is really starting to get it. She really is so little still. The play kitchen in our home when my daughter was little was fantastic. I had purchased fruit, veggies, pizza, loaf bread... that could be cut as they were velcro. The play table was often set up with teddy and baby dolls. Much fun and I could see that that would be a great way to teach and in a relaxed environment.
I am sure piece by piece she will get to understand it all. Just think of how much she already knows and she is learning SOOOOO much in every aspect not only about allergy.
:thumbsup

_________________
Me-Allergic to Peanut, Tree Nut, Coconut, Shellfish, ASA and Asthma
My Husband and Children No Allergies


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:11 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:40 pm
Posts: 2034
Location: ottawa
Code:
 hate mommaguilt. one word. We spent last evening @ the hospital....she's fine now but worn right out....and the new epi works just like the old one.....except you never see the needle...and quick attention here in emergency :thumbsup .

Alberta, :huggy , is she ok now? Poor kid. Remember to allow yourself the time to unwind and process it all, sadly we all can empathize with the emotional toll it does take.

Every child learns at their own rate although I wish there was a speed up button for DS He still doesn't comprehend what an allergy is although he says 'I have alleriges' ...but not in a way most people would understand :| . He does however get it when I say he will need his medicine, then he says it pokes him in the leg and he does not want that again any time soon.
You and Paige both are doing an amazing job with the play food etc.. I find endless story books etc. all have peanuts in them and there is the peanut free logo. But with multiple allergies and odd ones I to find it difficult to get them all in. He kind of zones out after pn/tn, the fun in repeating is gone after two or three allergens so sometimes I reverse the order. :?
And it isn't even at home we go through the 'you have allergies and are not able to eat that', he now stares like crazy if we are out and someone has ice cream or fries. He only asks once but his eyes get so big and he just stares that cone down until the 'mommaguilt' rips at me.

:huggy and well put Paige,
Quote:
I am sure piece by piece she will get to understand it all. Just think of how much she already knows and she is learning SOOOOO much in every aspect not only about allergy.

_________________
DD 12 yrs -no allergies
4 yr old DS - asthma/eczema Anaphylactic to Peanuts, all tree nuts, sesame , all pea/lentil legumes, gelatin.
Allergic to trees, grass,ragweed, feathers, dander, mold and dust.
Outgrew eggs, fish, shellfish


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:08 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 936
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Cauger, It sounds like you're doing so many things right. It's a long process to educate, and it sounds like your daughter has a good, age-appropriate, understanding.

Alberta Advocate, I'm sorry to hear your daughter had a reaction! I hope you're all okay now. We've been there several times as well (Epipen, ambulance, ER) so I can certainly understand how you feel. The recovery can you leave you pretty shaken, but we all learn something every time it happens.

On a personal note, our son is now 9 (grade 4), and we just learned yesterday that he is not washing his hands at school before eating :frightened ! Our 12 year old daughter is a very caring sister, and she is so good at looking out for her brother. She informed us yesterday that he is not washing his hands. She sees him come out of his class, grab his lunch bag from his locker, and he then heads right back in :frightened . She will remind him, but he does not follow through. Needless to say, we are upset and concerned that he is not washing his hands before eating. And actually, I am very surprised. The same thing happened at the tail end of last year in school, and we thought we had discussed it and he understood the importance of it. It was only last year (June 2010) that he received the Epipen and had to go to the hospital, but it doesn't seem to quite register that he needs clean hands to eat. Why is it that they will do this (wash their hands) for YEARS, we insist on this when we are home or out anywhere, but then he heads to school and doesn't bother there? Obviously, we need to further discuss and educate our son. (We thought we had done this, and we feel like a broken record with the number of times we've discussed thisa) I hope he is washing his hands today!!!! It's so frustrating!!!!

_________________
15 yr old daughter: no health issues
12 yr old son: allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, fish, sesame, sunflower, mustard, poppy seeds, peas, carrots, some fruits, instructed to avoid all other legumes (except soy & green beans), pollen, cats, horses


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 7:11 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:40 am
Posts: 429
Location: Alberta, Canada
Julie
I have a son (now a teen) with an older sister (second mother). My experience with boy not washing hands, no doubt. I still tell him after school when he is getting a snack "Wash your hands" Like I have never said it a million times. :dungetit I am sure many times my boy would not shower if I did not remind him! :frightened I know that will all change when the girls get closer. :abduct

_________________
Me-Allergic to Peanut, Tree Nut, Coconut, Shellfish, ASA and Asthma
My Husband and Children No Allergies


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 12:00 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
My teen is taking flack from friends for washing hands before eating. thankfully she keeps doing it. For now...

Alberta - is your daughter doing okay now? Really feel for both of you! :huggy does your daughter know the cause of her reaction?

_________________
me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 7:00 am 
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Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
Julie, send wipes in a baggie.
Maybe:
-he doesn't want to waste time the time to go wash his hands
-the good seats are taken by the time he gets back
-he's super hungry
-kids are smoking in the washrooms
-have you seen boys washrooms? :P
-he doesn't want to appear different.

Send wipes and he can casually clean his hands without making it a big production. :)

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 7:08 am 
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Site Admin

Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Posts: 6502
Location: Ottawa
Cauger-Pretend play is a great tool! Use it with the play kitchen, even an old colander and plastic spoon in the bubble bath will get the kids imagination going!

Use each opportunity you have to point out diferent things that she can't have but also point out what she can have!

Grocery store flyers can be used to cut and paste a "plate" of safe food (maybe she can put the unsafe food on mommy's plate-poor mommy, you get the beefy chuncks dog food!)

Point out to her that we have many rules to keep our children safe such as "Don't touch the hot stove", these just happen to be some more. :huggy

Tell her that her body is super strong and for some reason it's gotten mixed up and thinks these foods are bad guys. When her body recognises one of these food (which can hide in other foods), it attacks the protein with so much strength that it actually makes her sick! Maybe someday her body will start to recognise that some of the foods are not bad guys but until then, she needs to avoid them.

_________________
Moderator
Daughter: asthma, allergies to egg, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, most legumes (not soy) & penicillin. Developing hayfever type allergies.
Husband: no allergies
Me: allergies to some tree that flowers in May
Cat: allergic to beef, pork and lamb


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:44 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 9:38 pm
Posts: 936
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Susan, Great advice and tips for Cauger. I've printed them out for myself too! Saying these things is great for all ages. Thanks.

And thanks for your advice to me for my son. I have a question... I like the idea of using wipes... do you think using the wipes is good enough, and the trip to the washroom is not absolutely necessary? This would certainly help if he could just use wipes. I have to tell you though, we do send wipes in his bag, and he uses them sometimes, and doesn't bother other times. Maybe if he only has to use the wipes, and not include the washroom trip, this might be one less thing for him to do. The big thing I would like to know is if wipes are good enough??? I would be very happy to use only this method, and skip the whole washroom trip.

And you've definitely hit the nail on the head with all your suggestions as to why going to the washroom to wash hands is a hassle... it seems the grade 4 students don't do this anymore... I hear a lot of parents send the hand sanitizer, but, as we know, this is not appropriate for the food allergic.

Thanks again!

_________________
15 yr old daughter: no health issues
12 yr old son: allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, fish, sesame, sunflower, mustard, poppy seeds, peas, carrots, some fruits, instructed to avoid all other legumes (except soy & green beans), pollen, cats, horses


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:13 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
:oops: :huggy cauger, I just ran your post right off the rail....look at where we are, Parenting: Infants, Toddler and my DD is soon to be an adult. I guess my point is that no matter what the age of our children....there is always something....it never really ends. There is alot on your plate at this stage of the game. I only had to deal with one allergen and found that one wasn't worth having in our home....but that is what worked for us....you will do what works for your family, and like everything else in life, that will change as they grow.....and sometimes stuff happens....I try to remember that guilt and worry are a big waste of energy that can be directed elsewhere.

Since I am here (on this thread) I will continue and finish up this little ditty.

DD is fine now...but it's been a hard few days....grade 12 is very hard and missing even 1 day in a math class is huge and the last couple of days that she has been there, she just doesn't feel herself. Today, much better and w/the weekend coming up, will be back to herself. Today, she doesn't have that "green around the gills look".

Here is what happened, we had Dairy Queen for supper. This is something we have done many times before over the years....and since DD has discovered the moolattes and is out and about has stopped in with friends and had just one of those many times. Anyhow, we came home, had supper, and she got her "treat" out of the fridge... I don't think she had too much....the rest is still in the freezer, unfortunately it doesn't take much.

I did go and speak to the manager the next day (filling prescriptions), and she figured cookie crumbs. That's what DD figures too. There is now a paragraph in a scribbler with my name and a 10 dollar credit (cost of replacement moolatte and the rest for our inconvenience and suffering)there. :banghead I gave her to please add my phone number and I would like to hear from the owner, that I was not interested in money, but very much would like to impress upon them the importance of sticking to the ingredients that are listed on their website. I also offered to come and speak at their next staff meeting. I have yet to hear anything and am wondering now if maybe I should call someone (health inspector?? ) Really disappointed that I haven't heard back from somone at DQ.

We have a part to play as well. Her allergy was not mentioned by the family member that ordered...so lesson learned there...thank goodness, everything is ok now.....and that's my story.

_________________
Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:25 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:06 pm
Posts: 217
Location: Terrebonne, Quebec
Thanks for the idea about the cut and paste projects! I like it since soon i think she'll be mastering the scissors (i haven't had the guts yet because she's very impulsive and excitable) but that would be a great thing to do to teach 2 things at once!

I'm glad i'm not the only one with mommaguilt though, my stepsisters daughter was allergic to eggs until age 5, and she kept them out of the house, and seems to think i'm crazy for not keeping the unsafe foods out of the house, but really, I can't keep ALL those foods out of my house or i'll never eat (thank goodness with the sesame allergy we know 2 brands of "may contain" that are okay, or i'd be stuck making homemade bread all the time too, which i've tried to do and failed at miserably twice). I'm just starting to feel a bit rushed since she'll be going to school in 2 years and I'm really worried about that, but hopefully things will be okay by then, considering 2 years is a LONG time for a kid and sooo much learning happens then.

With the play ktichen for her birthday in november and the bale and chairs set i'm going to get both girls for x-mas we should be set for allergy learning!

_________________
Daughter 3.5 years) - Dairy, Eggs, Peanuts, Sesame, Beef; asthma and eczema
Daughter (2 years) - Peanuts Eczema
Son (7 months) - Contact allergy to something food undetermined


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:31 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 8:06 pm
Posts: 217
Location: Terrebonne, Quebec
AA -glad she's finally getting back on her feet.. It takes a while i'd imagine at that age especially! I was taken aback when it took 2-3 days for my daughter to start feelign better after the last reaction, and since she was 2.5, this was unfathomable to me.

The learning will never end i'm sure, I'm just petrified of the "all trusting" stage that she's in now where she would take something from anyone, especially if it was a cookie or treat, and trying to explain sharing is nice, except you never share food seems to be confusing her. We're just goign to have to keep working on it, and luckily I have the chance to be at home with the girls for at least another year, which should help with the teaching.

_________________
Daughter 3.5 years) - Dairy, Eggs, Peanuts, Sesame, Beef; asthma and eczema
Daughter (2 years) - Peanuts Eczema
Son (7 months) - Contact allergy to something food undetermined


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:46 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:37 am
Posts: 1523
Location: Alberta
:huggy How are you making bread? If you don't have a machine yet....look into that...once you get the hang of it, it will become routine and you can set and forget.

Back to the guilt thing....my mommaguilt is just cuz I didn't cook supper. :roll: The person that ordered is having some too....I am so glad things are ok....that guilty feeling is not a good thing.

cauger, try not to look to far into the future....it will come....and remember...sometimes the right thing to do for your family may be different from the norm....keeping a kid home for an extra year isn't a bad thing either.....sometimes it's a good thing. DD was so more than ready so I sent her, but she had to wait for some of the others to catch up to her so....??? on the other hand, DS was ready too, except for his speech so I decided to wait an extra year and worked on that. If you were in a different province, depending on the cut off date, things could be different. Had DS been born just 3 weeks later...he would have had to wait then so, ya know. And when DD went, I think the date had just been changed so....and it sounds like you are a great teacher and mom. :thumbsup

_________________
Myself - Seasonal, cats
dd-asthma (trigger - flu) anaphylactic to eggs, severe allergies to bugspray and penicilin,pulmicort
ds-Seasonal, cats and OAS
dh-allergy cats, bugspray and guava, outgrew egg allergy


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 Post subject: Re: Guilt!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 4:28 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:00 am
Posts: 1119
:huggy Alberta - tough for your daughter and everyone to deal with it.

My teenager agrees that her anaphylaxis and trip to emerg was a good thing since she is more cautious because of it. Definitely didn't think so at the time though.

_________________
me: allergic to crustaceans plus environmental
teenager: allergic to hazelnuts, some other foods and environmental


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