Their second date was supposed to be a lovely evening in, complete with takeout vegetarian sushi that he was to buy at a place she trusted with her life. The first time they ever met, Lori Medoff, a Montreal optometrist and divorced mother of two, told Kenny Webber, the new man in her life, about her severe allergy to fish. The entrepreneur accepted it as just another facet in what he hoped would become a relationship.

Only when Webber arrived that evening in November 2007 with the food, Medoff noticed to her horror that the sushi wasn’t vegetarian, salmon roe had been sprinkled on top. And she explained all over again that if even a hint of the tainted sushi passed her lips, her throat would close and she wouldn’t be able to breathe, never mind kiss him.

“The restaurant thought salmon eggs weren’t fish,” Webber, now 45, said at the time. “Fish is fish,” Medoff, 41, recalls replying. So what did these two lovebirds do? Simple: they skipped the food and went straight to kissing.

Ah, the kiss. You know: that warm, flushed feeling as your lips part and lock with another’s, that flutter in your stomach and your heart beating a mile a – hey, wait a minute! Because if you have food allergies or celiac disease, some of these sensations may indicate a less than romantic physical response.

Consider this story from Sloane Miller, who last August brought a new guy and an allergy-safe restaurant dinner to her New York apartment. After dinner, as the pair held and kissed, Miller got itchy.

When she looked in the mirror, she was alarmed to see hives on her skin, like a red, bumpy map of where his lips had been, around her mouth, on her cheeks, and along her neck, clavicle and right shoulder. She couldn’t believe what was happening, and for a few frightening minutes, she blanked on what to do to stop the reaction.

Now Miller is no novice when it comes to dating and food allergies. She is allergic to salmon, tree nuts, eggplant, melons, most tropical fruits and lemongrass.

Her interest in her condition, combined with her background as a psycho-therapeutic social worker, have led to a career as a food allergy coach and the basis for her popular blog, “Please Don’t Pass the Nuts.” But no matter the extent of her knowledge, she and her date couldn’t pinpoint the cause of her reaction. It had to be something. But what?

Next: Residue and Being Upfront

DATE GEAR

• Always carry emergency medications in a purse or a ‘man bag,’ including at least one auto-injector (the brands EpiPen or Auvi-Q, Allerject) and some Benadryl or  Zyrtec [Reactine].

• Always wear a MedicAlert bracelet. There are now attractive ones in 14K gold or silver and even with Swarvoski crystals and pearls for women.

• Carry your doctor’s phone number.

• Have a written emergency action plan that’s kept in an accessible place. Forms are available online from the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network http://foodallergy.org/downloads.html and the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology at http://www.aaaai.org/patients/resources.

• For longer outings, have safe snacks in your bag.

TALKING “THE TALK”

• Be upfront from the start with a new date, explaining your allergies or intolerance. Make it clear that you have some dietary restrictions that have to be followed – either food allergies or celiac disease are serious conditions. Handled carelessly, the former could lead to a trip to the ER. Stress that, when you abide by your avoidance practices, your condition is completely manageable.
  Social Factor [SF]: Don’t put the dating partner in the position of reserving at a great restaurant, and then you have to turn down the invitation.

• Suggest early dating ideas without food: a concert, movie, sports event, art exhibit or going hiking, skating, skiing or indoor rock climbing. Or meet some place that you know for drinks.
  SF: Dates outside of the standard dinner date can be unique, memorable. You’ll get to make the point that you can have a great time, you simply have to be careful with food.

• Let the person know, early on, what to do in an allergic emergency. Make it clear that if you seem to be reacting, you’ve got to have the auto-injector; then 911 needs to be called. Show the auto-injector, demonstrate how it is used, stress that it needs to be used promptly.
  SF: People can be initially concerned by the “big needle”. Assure the person that it’s a great relief from a reaction, that the discomfort is minimal.

• If looking for a companion on a dating site, why not mention food allergies or celiac?
  SF: Could be intriguing to a foodie who likes to cook.

EATING OUT

• In the early going, if you’re eating out, be the one to suggest the restaurant. Have a list of safe spots that you like and whose kitchens you know to be vigilant about food safety and avoiding cross-contact. It’s good to be aware of a few restaurants in different areas of town. Then if you’re out for a walk and he (or she) suggests stopping for dinner, you have a name.
  SF: Allergy-aware kitchens tend to have progressive kitchens, and that usually means good food.

• For later dates, when he or she suggests a new eatery, phone ahead and question the chef or manager about the menu, making sure there are dishes safe for you, and that the kitchen is mindful of cross-contamination.
  SF: By checking, there will be no embarrassing “we can’t eat here” scenes.

• Be judicious with wine and alcohol, so you don’t drop your own guard around food. If you’re a teen, avoid wine, liquor and drugs, period. While anaphylaxis is not something you want to encounter, even worse would be encountering it in a compromised state.

• For a subsequent date, preparing a meal at your place is a great way to have a romantic evening and be safe all at the same time. Learn how to cook a few easy dishes.

HOTTER OF COOLER?

• Go out with people who aren’t nervous around your allergies or intolerance. On the flipside, avoid people who constantly make jokes about your condition. You won’t find it funny at all.

• Be willing to say “no”.
  SF: If someone is cavalier about your food needs at the wooing stage, the outlook isn’t good.

• The mood is getting flirty and relaxed? Great, but if you haven’t already, now’s the time to sashay into the topic of kissing precautions – and that it can be risky to kiss someone who has been eating nuts (if you’re nut allergic). So you ask: anything you’ve eaten today that contains nuts?
  SF: If you handle it right and he hasn’t eaten anything nut-laden foods, you could boost the romantic tension.

• SF: If he (or she) really is “that into you,” he’ll probably gladly give up a food – not just for a day – to please you.

Originally published in Allergic Living magazine.
To get the magazine delivered to your door, click here and subscribe.

See Also:

• Main Article: Dating with Allergies, Celiac
• Kissing Reactions and Teens
  

© Copyright AGW Publishing Inc.