Today, Sean Randall, a 43-year-old artist, thinks it’s in a drawer somewhere. I always ask him if he has life insurance since Sean has allergies and asthma, the combination considered the most high risk for life-threatening reactions. A severe asthmatic as a child, he spent time in the oxygen tents, and now takes the controller drug Advair daily.

He has been coping in his own way for years. As a student in boarding school in Winnipeg, he never ate toast because the knives had been in peanut butter as well as jam jars.

“You manage,” he says. “You learn breakfast is cereal, you learn self-discipline.” Sean once ate a peanut by accident in a restaurant with low lighting, and had an anaphylactic reaction. He added to his strategies: “be more vigilant when eating in darkly lit restaurants.”

Rather than carrying an auto-injector, he figures a call to 911 will save him in a crisis. “It’s less of a decision and more of laziness. If you don’t use something for 20 years, it doesn’t seem necessary.”

Largely, he relies on avoidance: no peanuts are allowed in their house in Regina, and he doesn’t go to restaurants, such as Thai eateries, that use peanuts in the kitchen. He also avoids bake sales and has learned “the hard way” which chocolate bars will set off a reaction.

Still, my sister and I hope to wear him down yet, and finally get that prescription refilled.

Reprinted from Allergic Living magazine.

Related Reading:  The Allergy Deniers

Situation: There’s a friend at work you’ve often had lunch with. Lately, he’s decided it’s funny to tell the waiter “just bring her some water – she’s allergic to everything else.”

How to handle: Before your next midday meal with Don Rickles, prepare a sarcastic retort along the lines of “while my incredibly sensitive friend finds the idea of me doing a faceplant in my soup hilarious, I think I’ll just tell you about my life-threatening allergies instead.” If that doesn’t get the point across, ditch buddy boy and find a new lunchmate; preferably one who doesn’t find your serious health condition such a thigh-slapper.

Situation: Your new in-laws are desperate to have you two over for dinner, but you’re highly allergic to cats, and their beloved Mr. Tinkles is definitely the lord of the manor.

How to handle: You might as well be honest. Tell them about your allergy, and suggest that a meal in their beautiful garden would be a better option. (Hey, kissing up to the in-laws early is a good idea, especially if you’re planning to have kids.) It doesn’t hurt to lay some ground rules early either, in preparation for all those years and years of visits ahead. Ask if Mr. Tinkles could be confined to one room while you’re there, and suggest that, while you know your mother-in-law’s house is always spotless, maybe running the vacuum quickly before you arrive would, however, help your breathing. Bring a treat for the ball of allergenic fluff to show you don’t hate cats, really. And get your husband to agree to a late arrival and early departure, lest he bear the brunt of your coughing, snoring and wheezing all night.

Situation: A close friend asks you to be in her wedding party, but option two on the reception dinner menu is salmon – and you’re at risk of anaphylaxis to fish.

How to handle: Tell her that you’re willing to wear the seafoam green taffeta bridesmaid dress, but you’ll have to put your foot down when it comes to your ability to breathe unassisted. Speak
to the caterer ahead of time: can he assure that if you pick one of the other options, there will be no cross-contamination in the kitchen? If in doubt, bring your own meal and ask the caterer to have it served along with the others. Give a trusted friend the task of overseeing the handling of your food in the kitchen.If even a good whiff of fish has you reaching for the Epi or Twinject, tell the bride that, while you will be thrilled to precede her down the aisle, you’ll have to arrive at the reception after all fishy scraps have been cleared.

Situation: You’re out at a restaurant on a first date with an attractive, interesting fellow, who orders something you’re allergic to. Later, he leans in for a goodnight kiss.

How to handle: First of all, a kiss on the first date? OK, I’m old- fashioned, but a handshake or a hug should suffice. If your heart is already aflutter, best to be upfront. Calmly tell Dreamboat that he’s eaten something you’re allergic to, and that it’s just not safe for you to lock lips so soon after he’s eaten. Thank him for a wonderful evening and suggest getting together soon for a non-food date.

First published in Allergic Living magazine.
(c) Copyright AGW Publishing Inc.

To subscribe or order a back issue, click here.

Dory Cerny plays Miss Manners for those awkward allergic moments.

Situation: A female aquaintance gives you a gift that includes your allergen, such as chocolate-covered nuts or a food basket full of potentially lethal goodies.

How to Handle: If you don’t know the woman well, just say a gracious thank you and promptly “re-gift”. If it’s from someone you do know well, however, she has no doubt forgotten about your allergy, and is about to be mortified. Thank your friend for the thought, remind her of your allergy and while she slaps herself in the forehead, gently suggest that, as you won’t be able to enjoy this lovely gift, she may want to give it to someone else.

Situation: A relative insists that “a little bit won’t kill you.”

How to Handle: When it comes to family, sometimes subtlety is a lost cause. If your Aunt Tilda’s idea of a “safe” meal for you involves picking the shrimp out of the pasta, gently but firmly lay down the law. Explain that yes, it could kill you and as much as you love spending time with auntie, from now on you’ll come by for tea or invite her instead to your house. That way, you’ll have control over what is served.

Situation: A good friend is so anxious that you will have a reaction that you no longer get invited over or out for dinner.

How to Handle: If friends are uncomfortable preparing meals or eating out with you, take the lead. When going to a dinner party, offer to bring your own food or to eat at home and arrive after dinner, so that you can take part in the social aspects of the evening without putting any burden on your host. When eating out, suggest a restaurant where you know the kitchen or call ahead to someone else’s choice to ensure there is a safe meal option.

Situation: You encounter someone who thinks “allergies are in your head.”

How to Handle: If this is a person you will be in contact with on a regular basis and not just some jerk at a party, you will be forced to offer remedial education. First off, if you’ve had an anaphylactic reaction, you might mention that the doctor running with the epinephrine needle at Emerg. didn’t think you had “psychological issues”. That and the words “life-threatening” usually get taken seriously. Calmly offer to bring by some materials to explain the medical science of allergy and immune system over-response. You can find such materials at the websites of Anaphylaxis Canada, the Allergy/Asthma Information Association, the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network and the Food Allergy Initiative.

Published in Allergic Living magazine.
© Copyright AGW Publishing Inc.

To subscribe or order a back issue, click here.